“The Squirmy Introverted Beast”

Getting back into the routine of things after a vacation, proved to be somewhat hard this time around!

See, for an introvert, it’s always difficult to be with someone ‘anyone’ for a longer period of time! And despite the fact that she was fully aware of being one, she still wanted to think, she had finally managed, to not allow her introversion to show its snarly teeth, during vacation time with her spouse!

Yes, she succeed! She can raise her arm above her head, pat herself on the back, and say congratulations on managing her introversion tendencies during a three week vacay time! But now what?!…

Since they’ve been back, it’s been a bit harder to tame the introverted beast twisting and squirming inside of her!

It’s been 4 days! The early snow fall of the season, made it feel like being trapped inside that house of theirs!

The introverted beast demanded out! It demanded its basic rights to be recognized…like stretching out its folded introverted limbs! Then it rapidly started to show signs of near rebellion! What’s she to do?!…

Tomorrow will be different -She told the introverted squirmy beast inside her soul! Attempting to quiet it down- Tomorrow, I will have my first few hours alone! I will cut you loose. I will set you free. I will have coffee with you after you stretch out of your cage.

“The Unbearable Vulnerability of a Snowflake”

What is life!

Why do we live!

Why do we have coffee?

Why do we cook dinner?

Why do we do a lot of things?

She sat there…the snow is still falling for what felt like eternity…It showed no intention of stopping.

The windows that stretched from floor to ceiling, looked like…they were sticking their tongues out at her…as if mocking ‘LOOK….double dare you not to! Snow, snow and more snow…look’.

She sighed.

The white flakes kept showing their vulnerability to gravity…down…down…they slowly and helplessly took the journey downwards…landing on top of each other…their brethren and sistren laying flat underneath, had no say in the matter!

They looked as if, they simply resigned to just laying there…waiting for more of their ghostly white family members to arrive and pile on.

‘Own sketch’/not signed. I sometimes forget to sign my art…

I’m Anxious

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I return home from vacation tomorrow. 

I am anxious.

It’s been a great vacation.

But I’m anxious.

The sun is setting. I’m sitting on a lounge chair by the pool in my bathing suit. And I’m anxious.

There’s a big stretch of green grass in front of me. The pool water is blue and calm. But I’m anxious.

It’s quiet all around me. I hear a plane flying above every now and then. Even that noise is a far one and doesn’t really disturb! But I’m still anxious!

It’s warm out. It’s October 10. Temp is around 88. I love the warmth! But why am I anxious?!

I will see my chocolate Labrador dog tomorrow. And I’m anxious. She will greet me and go back to her bed and sleep! I…wish…she’ll do this instead: cuddle, then cuddle, then cuddle, then turn around in circles like those army veterans’ dogs whose videos are all over the internet! I wish she’ll do that.

I just got home. My dog ran and ran in circles when she saw me…she cuddled and cuddled! She said ‘you shoulda had more faith’

Perfectionism Won’t Protect You but It May Make You Invisible — Brenda Knowles of space2live

“If we just try hard enough we can avoid all these situations that make us feel so vulnerable.” — Caroline McGraw How many of us can relate to the above statement? I know I can. For the longest time, I thought if I do everything just right, no one will call me out or criticize…

via Perfectionism Won’t Protect You but It May Make You Invisible — Brenda Knowles of space2live

My Little FL Friend

🦎🚘 Anoliville Tale

11:39 AM
Spouse and I arrived at our FL villa. We were tired and jet-lagged.

We open the door to get in, set down our luggage and IMMEDIATELY notice this little baby Anoli jumps inside too with us! He’s now ahead of us by the front door, clutching his tiny Anoli suitcase initialed “A” _very impressive_ and screaming ‘VACAY TIME YO’. Hmmm now what?! Spouse ‘as it usually goes in any situation that involves harmless, defensless at best, completely terrified of humans, little tiny creatures’, jumps, leaps and screams..and now!? He’s in the kitchen way far from the imminent danger zone! Leaving me behind one km away! ‘WHAT WAS THAT?!!!’ He screamed! He’s 6’6.

I’m used to this by now of course! So I patiently coax little A back outside, all while he’s insisting and protesting ‘but I’m harmless!!! Look at me for Goodness’ Sakes!!! C’MON!!!! At least let me see what’s inside for once!!! I’m really tired of peeking through the screen! Can I can I can I??pleasaaase!’. His frontal little Anoli claws conjoining together and begging!
Me: ‘sorry little one! Can’t! Hubster is terrified of you and finds you a bit intimidating! Please don’t take it personal’!

Lil A jumps in definace! Gaaa I’m really tired but I’m also really loving watching him up close and personal inside my house, where he looks soooo cute! I seriously wished I could keep’m, show him around, have a French pressed coffee together by the pool, watching him stretch his tiny little legs, Chat it up about the latest in Anoli-Ville! Nope! None of that was going to happen! Alas…I had to basically attempt to scare the little guy off with all what was left of my human strength!

I waved my hands, he jumped inside the coat closet by the door! Spouse yelling again: ‘make yourself look bigger and shoo him out’! I contemplated responding ‘yah..he’s not a bear! Won’t work now anyway, he’s already on his way to the bedroom! Go snuggle’ but I didn’t think he’ll find it funny! So I upped up my game to say adios to little A, picked him up by his little tail and gently placed him outside the door!

Bye little A! I’m sure I’ll see you around xo.

Note: sure enough! I did see him around attempting to catch a ride to the beach
🏝🤘🦎😊🤭

The Terrified Bathing suit

You made it to FL! Aaaah the pool, the sunshine…Heaven! You try on one of your bathing suits that you left there _not that long ago really_ and with full anticipation on your face, you say to your spouse in the other room ‘OMG…😃 technically I can still fit into it’!!! Then you run to the mirror, you look, 🤨…

– Voice in your head: yup! You sure can still fit into it but……..

– You answer back: But ..what??

– Voice in your head: well…

– You: well WHAT?

– Voice in your head: 🤔 ..well look! 👉..you are bulging a bit and ‘stuff’ aren’t as ..you know

– You: stuff are…what???😯😡

– Voice: um…stuff aren’t as they used to be – You: As used to be???!!! Spit it out already!!!

– Voice: ….they used to be more…contained?! 🤭

– You: oh well! Just go away and leave me alone!

So you go to the pool area, your spouse takes one look at you! ‘You’ are expecting ‘oh wow! You look great and you still fit in it!!! Just ..wow!!’. Instead you get: ‘The landscapers are here, incase you don’t want them staring!’ Now what do you say to that?! Here’s what you do: First, you do this 👍..Then?! You wave to the landscapers and say ‘how’s it going?!’ Then! you smile carelessly and blurt ‘who’s gonna look at this anyway!’ Then you snap the edge of your bathing suit 👙 in a defiant gesture and it makes that weirdly satisfying snappy sound and you plant yourself on that lounge chair by the pool 🕶 ☀️ 🏊‍♀️ and you feel so proud of yourself! 👍 Cheers 🥂

The List Is Talking To Me

I was trying to sketch again today…I also wanted to write today…I decided to comment on a favourite blog first..today! Below is my comment on that blog…

I decided to share it here in my modest blog’s ‘studio room’. I picture my blog ‘here’, as a studio room compared to others amazingly spacious blogs :)…I kinda like this analogy :)… My little tiny studio room of a blog! Tucked in behind a deserted alley…No one ventures around my little studio blog…I drive my car here alone every time…I park it quietly! It’s always dark around…but I never bring a flashlight let alone fix my very old ‘broken’ light in-front of my tiny studio blog! Now don’t get me wrong, I do not hate visitors to my little studio blog! I just want them to find me on their own, at their own pace…I am in no rush…I am comfortable here alone…I can stretch out…I can sing and dance…I can write and write until the alarm goes off ‘time to go now! Say bye to your little studio blog’! I stop writing…I look around me..I smile…’see you soon my tiny studio blog :))))’.

 

My comment on one of my favourite blogs earlier today is below:

‘To give the self permission to just relax and ‘write’ words that speak to the soul, our soul…others’ souls, can be frightening…At least to me! Why’s that?!

I think it’s due to ‘the list’ following me wherever I go! I go to my roasting lab (I roast coffee for a living for years now after quitting a sparklier career in corporate design), the list follows me there…I could hear its footsteps rushing behind me! I try not to look behind me..I comeback to my house, it’s waiting for me there… tapping its fingers impatiently on the edge of the chair! …’How did it get there before me??? Oh wait! This is my list’s cousin! They have very similar hard features. That pointy nose, those tightly closed lips and those judging eyes and oh that narrowing gaze!’ The gaze that says ‘You’ must do this, must attend to that, must choose time wisely today or things won’t get done! Work, emails, chores, working out, taking the dog for a run, oh and also…_ long skinny finger pointing upwards then doing a quick circle in the air_ there’s lots of dust on that high shelf’! Then even when I try responding: yes yes I know! Who notices that shelf anyway?!! The list jumps in ‘well I see it! So it needs done! You’re behind’ _ its eyes now rolling_

The perfectionist personality that wants ‘everything’ done and done properly!
The guilt from so many things that ‘shouldn’t’ cause guilt! My rational mind knows better!! My logic detects a flaw in my sense of guilt! But nonetheless, relaxing and enjoying a leisurely activity feels hard to attain!’

‘Personal sketch’