When I Grow Up

I’d like to be, Anna Madrigal.

As a heterosexual woman, this is a tricky subject! As one can risk getting easily misunderstood!

But I feel…this place is where I can be myself! It’s where I can lift the edge of my long dress, and marsh into the dreary and murky terrains, of all the possible misunderstandings…and postulations.

My head is held up high! My fears of the soft soil beneath my steps, are real! But they’re are not enough, to scare me.

I would like, to be, Anna Madrigal when I grow up.

I did not undergo a gender change op. I am a female. But, watching myself weep at the end of the series ‘Tales of The City”, compelled me to stop and think!

Anna died! It’s like I knew her! Anna shouldn’t die!

I loved Anna.

It made me realize, how tired I am, of all societal prejudices! How, I feel, I am strong enough, to take on that role one day! Be the ‘gracious’ dope smoking, sugar addict..90 years old…protector! Open up a haven, for those who are mistreated for their ‘love’, and misjudged for pursuing their love. It’s just too painful to whiteness and do nothing.

Yes, I do realize, the LBTQ community has come a long way. I get that. But some, some, continue to live in such sad vulnerability!

The show, opened up my eyes, to so many things.

I’ve had my share of indoctrination. I’ve had my share of religious agendas being pushed on me day in and day out!

“Today, you need to conform! Today! Your Christian Faith better shine brighter! Judge! You must judge all sin”! NO. I will not ‘judge all sin’. I will not place God in a box. He’s mine. What happens between he and I, is my business! And only mine. I will not, judge. I am no better, than anyone. My faith, does not, credit me with a righteously judging badge that I can flash in the face of others. Anytime I feel like it!

I had my share of Judaism too! “You need to pay attention to who you are! Be faithful to your conviction! Judge! You must judge!” No. I will not. I love and respect Judaism and think it’s wonderful! But my faith is mine. My way. No one else’s.

I am incredibly proud, of not allowing all that tremendous pressure I was subjected to, over so many years, whether it’s Christianity or Judaism, to sway me! To change how I feel and think! I did not, conform.

I will always be my accepting self. I will always hear and respect everyone. I will always dream, of becoming Anna.

Author: Kat

I used to work as a graphic designer, until one day I was tragically and blissfully hit by two colliding meteors! One caused my falling in love with the world of coffee! And the other resulted in me falling out of love with the not so wonderful and nearly suffocating office culture! I left the glamour of the design world, and opened up my little café! Those were the best years of my life! I say ‘were’, because (wait! May be another time! But please do ask me if you ‘must’ know and can’t sleep tonight unless I tell you!) For the past three years, I have been living in a pyramid shape house in a middle of a green forest in the summer; a green forest buried underneath lots - I mean LOTS - of snow in the winter. I used to ‘think I still do ;)’ love the city! With its buzzing energy! I love to travel and seeing different food and coffee scenes...preferably alone! visiting ‘quirky and unusual’ places! I do not love visiting museums, hugely commercialized areas, malls and landmarks! I love old and full of heritage ‘anything’! I also love, to sit in a busy coffeeshop ‘reading quietly’ and not talking! Talking exhausts me most of the time! Watching the world unfold.. and thinking ...never does!

4 thoughts on “When I Grow Up”

    1. I loved all the characters but especially Olympia Dukakis! Gosh I love her acting!! And Ellen Page! I wish I can do her freezing cold fascial expressions, when she just stares someone down! I love her acting too! The whole show!! Wow! Omg and Laura Linney?! I can go on and on!

      Book? What book?
      Kidding ☺️

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s