Dogs & My Insanity

I’m still not fully out of the woods yet.

There are good moments while in Denver, and there are..the not so good ones, where I stay home when I should be out exploring, and I solely rely on my 2 wonderful canine companions.

Murphy is 4 years old. He acts like a typical toddler every single night since I arrived. I take him to his bed ‘pod’ _where I have to open it up and he usually immediately slides in and completely disappears_…Then? Like I said, every single night, he crawls into my bedroom around 2 am…Wakes me up as he stands there and just…stares at me, (eye rolling)..then jumps on the bed.

He is such a character! It doesn’t stop there! He sits and stares at me in the dark (eye roll again), then I’m supposed to lift up the covers and he zips underneath … and just disappears! How could he breath while all tucked in that way? Noooo idea! But it happens every night, so I guess he does.

Guinness is 10. He goes nuts when he hears the word ‘walk’. He starts turning around in circles ‘WALK? WALK?!WHAT?! Did you just say..WALK?! Are we walking? Like RIGHT NOW? Well where do I stand for you to put that lead on me? Why are you taking so long? WHAT IS GOING ON? You DID SAY WALK? I DID HEAR YOU SAY WALK! OMG WHAT DO I DO? DANCE? Well I am! LET’S GO ALREADY’

*To be continued—

What Is Wrong With Me

Denver…

I’ve been exploring, walking everywhere…I even attended a ‘rap’ concert the other night…

I think, I was happy until..today…

Could it be that, I’m simply feeling alone? The sense of me taking on a city full of strangers? Not talking to another human?

I talk to my two Weimaraner companions while here. I am taking care of my friend’s dogs while she’s away. I love these two dearly. I prefer their company over ..others

So how does this make any sense?! It’s precisely why I’m here! To reflect. To be..alone. I’m used to it! It’s how I live and been living for a long time. Then what’s with this sense of…whatever I am experiencing?!

My heart is heavy…My sense of self esteem is low. And up and down…I go

Blind Date Part II

Mark, was seated between my friend Sara and his blind date.

Sara is my best friend. A gorgeous 37 years old professional.

Sandy did not stand a chance. And my heart started to break one piece at a time for her.

At one point, I still had hope Mark will still talk to Sandy and maybe a spark will just emerge…So I kicked Sara under the table so she’d slow down on being chatty with Mark, who was acting completely smitten by now. I kept a straight face on when she felt my kick, stopped talking and looked at me! I ignored looking at her, quickly took a sip off my drink and blurted to another friend beside me ‘what a lovely evening to be dining out here’! Flashing a big smile to distract from the kick.

In my mind, I could sense Mark’s disinterest! And I couldn’t help but wonder ‘why?! This is a gorgeous, kind and intelligent woman! Your age! You both obviously have a lot in common already as we are all talking, chatting and discovering yes…yes..you and Sandy are a great match! Then why?!’

I kept trying to assure myself ‘they may hit it off! Don’t get too cynical! Don’t rush the doom and gloom!’…While the fog, was starting to spread like a blanket of uncertainty outside… in that gorgeous place, all nestled in nature.

Blind Date Part I

If I could take it all back, I will..

I wish I had never said yes, to setting up her friend with mine..

She wore a sleeveless red tunic, and black leggings, underneath her raincoat. Ankle boots too. She was not tall, and neither was my friend, so I thought ‘at least their mutual height is perfect’!

If I was to guess, I’d say she was in her mid fifties. Blond medium length straight hair. Fair skin. Her kind blue eyes looked a little tired _Dinner was at 6:00 pm after perhaps a long day for her at work_ and her sweet smile, revealed her goodness inside.

She also had a pearl necklace on.

He, my brainiac friend, her blind date, arrived in his usual way too big for his size long sleeved shirt, a blue also baggy rain jacket, and bluejeans. I did notice, however, that he paid extra attention to his hair. It looked combed and tidy.

His thick greying beard, and his Dali moustache, gave him a rather quirky look. My friend isn’t my age, but that was never an issue in ‘our’ friendship.

His date’s friend and I, met not too long ago. Then one day, out of a mere casual coincidence, we were having dinner with other mutual friends at a very fancy Estate establishment; and that’s when, Rose and I decided to set her single friend with mine.

We invited other friends to the same place two weeks later, including Mark and Sandra. Mark is my friend, Sandra is hers…

Summer

As much as I love summer, this darker exchange between us, took place the other day…for no reason.

* * *

You arrived…

You took your raincoat off..

You looked at me as if expecting me to run to you, throwing my arms around your neck, while you pick me up…twirling me around…

I hear you laughing…your deeply free ringing laugh…

Then you put me down…but you immediately take your long waltz step..while still holding both my hands. Not giving me a chance, to declare, I am not in the mood for your rise and fall moves…

The gradual rise to the toe…is already exhausting every muscle in my aching body..

As the heel of my shackled left foot rises, the ball of my right foot gives way..but you fail to notice…while we continued our dance to now the deafening noise..of all the clapping waves..mocking my increasingly stiffening moves

As you slowly started to feel The clumsiness of my lower limbs…and I could see how you are no longer smiling..you stared at me quietly…

Your eyes, as usual, are holding back all the questions..You hate it when I get too serious! You usually run away carelessly and proclaim ‘This is all winter stuff’

Yet to my surprise this one time, you did ask ‘when did you stop being in love with life?’

I responded ‘After you neglected me all winter!’

As our dance stopped…And we were no longer in rhythm…just standing there..motionless