So my father willed me a modest apartment abroad. Before he passed away a few years ago.
I’ve been trying to write lately about the family dynamics where I grew up. And I’ve been feeling immediately exhausted after I start.
I tried writing it as a fictitious story, to save face and all the embarrassment that yes this is/was my family! However, that didn’t work either! Chuckle. My cover was blown within seconds of ‘some’ reading it here 🙂
It’s been hard.
My relationship with my sister is strained again. This time around, is probably the end.
Before you jump into conclusions about how I should have worked harder on ‘saving it’, let me assure you, I tried.
The truth is, my sister was interested in me for her gain. She wanted my little apartment. Oh well…Yes it’s not something one can say ‘wow! I’m proud of my family! They really care and are very fair’! They’re not.
My family does not need my little place that my father willed me. They have inherited 100 times more than I did. I left when I was 17. I was labeled the black sheep from the beginning. I never felt that I belonged there. I was never able to fit in. So after I left, I basically ceased to exist!
Then why did they decide to take it?!
I don’t know.
I am no longer interested to know.
How come?! Shouldn’t I ‘fight’ for what’s mine?!
Yes. I should. And I tried. Until I discovered, all the excuses they’ve been making over the past two years of me saying clearly ‘I need the apartment to be transferred to my name or sold or whatever…’ All those excuses they kept making, are never going to stop.
My heart kept getting broken over and over. Not over losing a property! But rather over realizing the truth: I don’t matter to them. My little apartment means something, to them. But I don’t.
I also realized why I left from the first place. A family that only values possessions and status is what drove me to run and to never look back.
So, what now?!
I think, I’ll be ok with my decision to walk away from my little place. They can have it.
If I choose to fight, I will lose a big part of my soul. I will never forget ‘this is my family’ I am fighting with, over a piece of real estate! I will get deeply hurt. It will turn ugly. And if I win, which is highly unlikely, I will win ‘a thing’ but my peace will be shattered.
So on this quiet evening, I choose peace. I choose to walk away. My soul intact.
Author: Kat
I used to work as a graphic designer, until one day I was tragically and blissfully hit by two colliding meteors! One caused my falling in love with the world of coffee! And the other resulted in me falling out of love with the not so wonderful and nearly suffocating office culture!
I left the glamour of the design world, and opened up my little café! Those were the best years of my life! I say ‘were’, because (wait! May be another time! But please do ask me if you ‘must’ know and can’t sleep tonight unless I tell you!)
For the past three years, I have been living in a pyramid shape house in a middle of a green forest in the summer; a green forest buried underneath lots - I mean LOTS - of snow in the winter.
I used to ‘think I still do ;)’ love the city! With its buzzing energy!
I love to travel and seeing different food and coffee scenes...preferably alone! visiting ‘quirky and unusual’ places! I do not love visiting museums, hugely commercialized areas, malls and landmarks! I love old and full of heritage ‘anything’!
I also love, to sit in a busy coffeeshop ‘reading quietly’ and not talking! Talking exhausts me most of the time! Watching the world unfold.. and thinking ...never does!
View all posts by Kat
"But the hours grew so empty” 
To walk away is a strength not everybody has (or will ever understand)… I am proud of you for choosing YOU over THEM. They would have perhaps expected you to fight (because that’s what is expected normally)… But you are better than that and ‘normal’ is not your thing. I am going through some family drama I sure have trouble writing about (I guess I don’t need to) but reading this reminds me that I can only go back to taking care of my own self, my own peace. Thank you Kat! Keep writing, baking and basking in the sun! Love from me to you. ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Sofia. Incredibly thankful for your words and your sincerity that shines through. And yes, you can only go back to taking care of yourself and your own peace. That is ‘exactly’ what I am doing.
Love, light and peace to you on this evening. ♥️
LikeLike
There is strength and peace living a life knowing we are more than the things we “own”. It is an honest path…not without danger or struggles…but honest.
I hope today is good for you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Today is so much better Mark. Thank you. I had noooo idea I changed this much lately!!! I feel I’ve been ill physically and emotionally for a while now. And I can say, since I chose to take the path of peace instead, I’m starting to feel better.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so sorry, Kat. It’s truly their loss.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wish them nothing but good Angela! I hold no grudge. I’m free. And I’m delighted I can be. It’s easy to get swallowed by all the dark thoughts of anger and bitterness. But, if we stop and just think: the darker we get inside, the more we morph into a darker shadow of our previously happier and peaceful self! What good would it serve to win the battle but lose our soul!?
Love to you.
LikeLike
I agree!!
LikeLike
Money reveals a different side of us. For some, money is truly the most important thing, beyond family and love. It’s heartbreaking to learn it. I have learned this recently …
One of my favorite quotes is one I think you know, Kat. From Kurt Vonnegut:
“Be soft. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”
Through a lot of heartache and heartbreak and learning — I’m in the slow learners club! — I know this life to be a beautiful time and place. I know you do, too. Let us stay soft, and stay open, and continue to see the beauty that is everywhere we are, and everywhere we look.
LikeLike
How lovely Michael!!!
Thank you for this!
Yes, ‘Be soft’. And yes, hate breeds destruction to the soul and the body. Purity of the heart is what I personally seek, and I know and ‘feel’ many share that with me here in this wordy place.
Yes it’s heartbreaking to whiteness the lack of love in the hearts of those who are supposed to be the closest to us. Our family. But, they have their reasons. I just choose to move on, alone. No hate. No bitterness. I just wish to continue my journey without them.
LikeLike
We don’t choose our family. Often we are advised, against all logic, that blood is thicker than water and thus we must never estrange ourselves from family members. What a crock of shit! Good on you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh Sean, I honestly don’t know what to say. ‘Often we are advised, against all logic…’ That pretty much illustrates my experience!
I don’t know one person, who could step away the way I did from family. And this is not a source of pride! Not at all! On the contrary! I often ‘these days’ feel deeply hurt that I ‘did’ in fact make that call to walk away. I question my ‘logic’. I do. I even sometimes wish I can be like most people! Why can’t I just accept nonsense for the sake of the continuity of the familial relationship?! Why am I this black and white?!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Someday I’ll tell you my story.
Your family doesn’t have to be blood. It can the little old man you have coffee with every Thursday. It can be your best friend who you share secrets with every Tuesday. Remember my blog post about Ellen? Your very own Ellen is your family.
Blood is over rated. What comes from the heart, from the soul, that’s what matters. You are a caring person and I understand your pain. Believe me, our lives are mirror images from this post. Embrace the people and your pets who are happy you’re alive. That’s all that matters.
PS: I’m happy your alive.
LikeLike
I think I should ‘wait’ to respond this or I’ll risk sounding all gushy.
Until I am able to compose myself: thank you. From all my heart.
LikeLiked by 1 person