Mistakes

Today.

Today, my friend’s grandmother passed away. I found out on fb.

Today, my friend withdrew inside her shell again! She won’t answer calls or reply to messages.

Today, someone’s puppy also passed away. I am not particularly fond of the owner, but incredibly sad to hear about their puppy.

Today, I made mistakes. Unrelated to neither favourite grandmothers passing nor lovely puppies departing and crossing the bridge to the rainbow!

Today, and before I heard the ‘real’ sad news about how death makes you stop and forces you to take a look at yourself and feel incredibly silly for rumbling over silly trivial issues, I rumbled and acted proud and even combative.

Today, I complained about neighbours posting pictures on fb, promoting different coffee companies they raved about in the city, and neglecting to even mention mine while I live…across the road from them.

I couldn’t understand why! And I complained about it to another neighbour, during our dog walking excursion!

I am not proud of failing to act bigger than this puny little issue! I could’ve chosen to take the higher road! I usually do! Instead, I allowed my frustration over a fb post, to get the best out of my judgment! And in the end? It did not make me feel any better. Instead, I felt more sad, and also disappointed in myself over my reactionary behaviour!

I was left wondering, did maturity and professionalism just join hands, after perishing in each other’s arms, then crossed the bridge to the rainbow on the other side too!!!

If this was a good day, I would’ve shrugged the issue, risen above it and said ‘It’s ok! No big deal! Not the end of the world! Yes my neighbour who says they love my coffee, chose to ignore mentioning mine and promoted different other establishments instead on social media! When I could have used the support too, at least ‘some’ support, considering I’m a small operation and I’m RIGHT HERE! Living across the road, and you say you love my coffee! I’m standing here waving…Can’t you see me?! …..At the same time, I know, complaining about it, isn’t going to solve anything in the end! And would just make me feel…frivolous!’. I could’ve had that pep talk with me and myself! Well, I didn’t.

The truth is, I do need to think about this. What is my issue with demanding ‘consistency’???! What’s my deal with expecting ‘loyalty’?! What’s my bone with…’perceived hypocrisy’?!

I need to dig deep. I need to question those black and white beliefs. I believe in freedom. But, where do I draw the line, between..respecting freedom of opinions and choices, and freedom laced with…sabotage and disloyalty? And…what if it was all….unintentional????

Maturity! I’m still searching…

Author: Kat

I used to work as a graphic designer, until one day I was tragically and blissfully hit by two colliding meteors! One caused my falling in love with the world of coffee! And the other resulted in me falling out of love with the not so wonderful and nearly suffocating office culture! I left the glamour of the design world, and opened up my little café! Those were the best years of my life! I say ‘were’, because (wait! May be another time! But please do ask me if you ‘must’ know and can’t sleep tonight unless I tell you!) For the past three years, I have been living in a pyramid shape house in a middle of a green forest in the summer; a green forest buried underneath lots - I mean LOTS - of snow in the winter. I used to ‘think I still do ;)’ love the city! With its buzzing energy! I love to travel and seeing different food and coffee scenes...preferably alone! visiting ‘quirky and unusual’ places! I do not love visiting museums, hugely commercialized areas, malls and landmarks! I love old and full of heritage ‘anything’! I also love, to sit in a busy coffeeshop ‘reading quietly’ and not talking! Talking exhausts me most of the time! Watching the world unfold.. and thinking ...never does!

18 thoughts on “Mistakes”

  1. I think it’s okay to be like that. We are affected because we value these things – loyalty, support. And we give them generously ourselves. It’s okay to question why people can’t be consistent. It’s okay why we question why. I’m moved today. Most of the time it’s the consistency of our feelings is what makes our writing touching and real. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Sofia! I think you are right! Loyalty and support are probably two values that I personally hold very high! And you are also correct in saying ‘we give them generously to others’! I guess maybe that’s why one feels…cheated and hurt when not being treated the same way! But, I am learning this: my old way of rising above issues like these, refusing to give in to complaining and verbalizing my inner confusion and shock, made ‘me’ feel so much better inside! Things eventually blew off! They always do in the end!
      I find, again this is my personal take on it and it could be flawed, I find complaining makes me feel worse! It only makes me feel better, if it is to a very trusted friend who won’t lose respect for me over acting like a 15 year old in a schoolyard!

      Thank you so much for ‘your’ support! This place seems to have amazing understanding and supportive personalities! ♥️

      Liked by 1 person

    1. 😊…..Thank you mermaid 🧜‍♀️

      Your words are so appreciated!

      Feeling really lucky to be able to read them over and over and feel 😊…..

      Like

  2. Maybe it’s just my mindset, if so I apologize if my reply isn’t where it should be.

    Yesterday my friends 30 year old son began his first treatment of Chemo. Everything is now on hold and may never go back to being normal again. The word May is one of those words that could tip either way.

    Sometimes news like this reminds me of things. We get to live and laugh and complain and do our stuff.

    If this makes you feel guilty about things I’m sorry. I may delete this or I may not.

    The silver lining of it all: You’re doing your thing and you’re loving it. Your dog is alive and hopefully the people you love are too. Always remember the good stuff.

    Cheers!!!

    Like

    1. I completely respect your take! I not only gladly accept it, but deeply appreciate it! You’re telling me to ‘live’. You are telling me to smile and not lose sight of the ‘good’ things. You’re telling me I had a moment of tunnel vision and it’s now time to dust myself off and start chasing foxes in the forest again. You’re telling me to focus on what I’m good at ‘laughing and spreading joy.

      I am very lousy at being negative. I hope I can come back to this post in the future and learn something from it. However at the same time, this is a place where I can be myself! So if it happens again and you catch me acting negatively and complaining, know that it’s because I feel safe here. 🙂
      Thank you for kicking my butt.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. One more thing Bryan!
      I kept thinking of your friend’s son. Gosh I hate this. No words can feel appropriate to comment on such thing. Why?! It’s the only I feel like asking! I never get an answer!
      I’m so so sorry.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I feel guilty barging in on your blog and writing something like that. It’s as if I walked into your home and rearranged your furniture.

        Your kitchen table belongs in the bathroom. Trust me, you’ll love it.

        I have a feeling I was talking more to myself than anyone. It was a reminder to me to see what I have and how fast I could lose it. On the other hand if my words open your eyes as much as they did mine I’m happy. Sometimes we do need a kick in the pants.Next time I’ll do it in my own house. This is your home not mine.

        Now….back to your kitchen table in the bathroom. I’m picturing purple carpet as well. You’ll love it!!! 🙂

        Like

      2. Bryan, not at all!! I appreciate honesty and it does not scare me if the intention is sincere! Your personality has already come across your posts and your comments that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed!
        You ‘are’ an honest person. Please do challenge me when you see fit!

        At the same time, I must say, you are incredible funny! The kitchen table belongs in the attic! I’m putting my foot down on this one! But I’d appreciate some help bawling it up the skinny ‘ladder’. The purple carpet though! 👌brilliant

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Death really does impact people in different ways. Some people cocoon for a bit. Sounds like she knows you’re there for her!

    We all have bad days and donor say things we wish we hadn’t! I love that you want to dig deeper and question/confront parts of yourself that may need it. I believe that’s the key to long-term growth and evolution! I have had a lot of that to do and have a lot more. Having teenage daughters requires me to do so much of it!!

    Love to you, Kat.

    Like

    1. She is one of the most amazing people in my life Angela! Her and I have a very strong bond. I wish everyone had a friend like her on their lives. Thank you so much for that comment!

      Yes Angela, it is very important we hold ourselves accountable for certain acts/things said etc! And I agree it is how we grow.
      Aah teenage daughters!!! I know what you mean Angela! I’m sure it’s challenging at times! But why do I have this feeling: you are an awesome and amazing mum!? 🤗

      Love to you too ♥️🌸

      Like

      1. That’s so awesome, Kat. I imagine you’re an amazing friend. Yes, it is, and also that we are gentle and kind to ourselves, too. 💜

        Yeah, it’s challenging in many ways that force me to grow! I’m so grateful for that even though it’s difficult at times. Ahh, thank you. I don’t know about that but I try. 💜

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes to being gentle and kind to ourselves, too.

        I bet it’s so wonderful to have a house full of life, energy and a sprinkle of challenges here and there. Enjoy it Angela ♥️

        Liked by 1 person

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