Your Mood

Something is happening with your mood! However, it does not affect me! And I don’t believe it should!

That was the thought I had, while smiling and watching J, my product designer/architect/coffee customer _who buys way too much coffee from me_ this morning at our usual Italian café!

The other J, my other friend_who used to be the first J’s professor in Chicago, a million years ago! I know it’s a bizarre world!_was sitting at the table too, busy sipping his cappuccino.

J1, if I may call him that, is a brilliant personality! One cannot but admire such brain! The wealth of knowledge! Architecture, art history, design history..! It’s all..there, meticulously filed in chronological order!

It was apparent, J1 was in a bit of a mood today! Despite his usual happy self, the generous smile on his face..etc, I could sense ‘something’! Something was going on around that spotless chrome filing cabinet of a brain!

My vivid imagination, as I was sitting there, kept picturing a chair that had fallen, and is now laying on its side, or, a bookshelf that had given way underneath all those amazing rare and heavy encyclopedias! Inside J1’s brain!

See, I can imagine anything I want with my brain! Even if it is for my mere entertainment! It’s my brain, I could do whatever I want with it! Not that anyone is arguing with me on that one! I suppose I just feel like saying it.

It’s Mies’ 133 Birthday today! J1 said to J2.

Referring to Mies van der Rohe. The famous Bahaus modernist architect known for ‘less is more’ in his style.

As I sat there, watching people, listening to all those Mies and Gropius tales and a variety of architectural discussions between J1 & J2, I kept feeling calmer and calmer! I was very relaxed! J1’s hard to explain tone and body language at certain moments, which was making me feel like I was invisible in the conversation at times, only managed to cause such calming effect on me!

Maybe it’s because, I am aware of J1’s level of complexity and eccentricity! We all know, or have at least encountered people, who are incredibly smart, but who can be socially awkward at times! It’s hard to know for certain, when they mean to act awkwardly or if it’s just how they are! Did they mean to make us feel…inferior, less enlightened…not up to speed with certain important topics etc etc etc?! Or, was it simply case of sudden unintentional awkwardness?! One can never be certain.

I love intellectual conversations! I do. That’s why I meet with these two friends every now and then! And we usually have no issues with the variation in our level of awareness or general intelligence! But today, was a slightly different experience! And I wouldn’t say that I particularly enjoyed it as much as I usually do! Yet nonetheless, it did not shake me nor shock me!

I can say, that I was aware of my own self confidence during that meeting this morning! I also enjoyed, my refusal, to allow random ‘inexplainable’ acts, to cause me to question myself! I was sure I was irrelevant to what was happening inside J1’s head! Was it a fallen chair blocking the narrow pathway in that immaculately organized brain of his?! I don’t know! Was it an old shelf caving in underneath all those encyclopedic books?! I don’t know either!

In the end, it still was a great time! And I hope, they are saying the same.

Coffee Poster & Life

The new coffee deer sketch is looking not too too bad! I decided to use him in the new coffee poster I am designing. it’s not done yet.

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Soon, my French Macaron baking days will begin! In preparation for the new upcoming local annual event in April! It’s when our entire touristy little town, comes alive for a few hours on that evening!

Our booth is going to have a new look this year! And I’m working very hard on that!

There will be the usual colourful macarons the locals wait for every year, and a new addition this year! A refreshing Nitro coffee on tap!

It all sounds exciting. I know! And I am excited please don’t get me wrong! I just keep catching myself wanting to…travel! Wanting to run….

Allergy Humour

I have a headache! And my eyes are burning!

Today was a great day. But this evening, my eyes started this really burning marathon! First the right eye, then the left, then the right one again! Until they both reached the finish line of complete agonizing itchiness! And then, a headache followed hurdling down the tracks, dragging itself…slapping its heavy feet on the concrete of the dotted line…all the way to the back of my skull!

Glad to announce: Seems like I will live. It’s simply a case of being allergic to some silly sunscreen I applied today! Yes it’s finally sunny in Permafrost!

After receiving the allergy news through my fogy brain, which was in the midst of processing some words it was reading on the label, ‘Benzoyl etc etc’, my half-witted chin flopped down towards my chest in disappointment and shame! ‘That’s it?! Sunscreen allergy?! You mean it’s not emerging green grass and new beautiful spring flowers popping everywhere..?! Ugh!’

To my further dismay, my very own wise and assertive hand rose, elegantly lifted up my sad chin, moved a few inches away from my face, all while my poor allergic eyes were crossed now staring at it in complete horror, as it turned into a fist for a split second, and I quickly ducked as it punched the air above my head, then like a skilled magician hand, it lowered itself down slowly, in a peaceful gesture! Fingers spread out…! My distrustful burning watery eyes are still following it in horror…as it got lower and lower…and I think I heard and may have even spotted…a white dove fluttering through, making a whistling sound as its feathers vibrated…and then disappeared!!!

_sound of me falling backwards and the dog freaking right out-

Which one?

Life’s unnecessary drama lately has been interfering with my coffee work as well as design work.

An Indian Restaurant wants a logo.

I sketched a graphic by hand and also did other cleaner and simpler computer based designs . They picked the one with the graphic. this is just the back of a business card. Front will have a more developed logo with text etc.

My brain isn’t super sharp. Which one?! I can’t decide.

Birds of Prey

Nothing makes sense anymore!

The feeling of being misunderstood, and left there on the side of the road to comprehension, slices deep! The little dressings aren’t doing the trick any longer.

At one point, one feels they need to exchange their entire soul, with a more resilient one! With a more suitable one for….the hawks who are zeroing in, and the ospreys filling the sky above!

How many more shocks?! How much more sinking into this quicksand called life?! How many more sleepless nights spent wondering and asking so many whys and hows! ‘Why?! How?! How did such a good deed one might have done, become this misunderstood and ends up this misconstrued?! How could something so pure, something one worked so hard for, turn into something completely deformed, and bafflingly grotesque?!’

Where do smiles live when one sets out searching for one?!

She. Part 1

Is she stubborn?! I asked.

Yes. Quietly but unhesitatingly came the answer!

She sat there telling me a story. She would pause every now and then as if realizing a new truth! As if, some sudden thought just struck her! Some detail she had missed noticing among all the chaos! And now she’s connecting those dots for the very first time!

When that would happen, her eyes would gaze through the glass panels adjacent to our table, while her and I sat facing each other in that busy café.

Her eyes looked tired. As if they carried the weight of a thousand injured birds who no longer are able to fly.

I wanted to say something comforting. But I sat there looking at her instead. I feared, all those injured birds would suddenly rush out and encircle me in complete rage! For I stole their silence! The only thing they have left! Their quiet refuge! In her heavy tired eyes.

So I just sat there.

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Image: Sam Burris/unsplash

Mistakes

Today.

Today, my friend’s grandmother passed away. I found out on fb.

Today, my friend withdrew inside her shell again! She won’t answer calls or reply to messages.

Today, someone’s puppy also passed away. I am not particularly fond of the owner, but incredibly sad to hear about their puppy.

Today, I made mistakes. Unrelated to neither favourite grandmothers passing nor lovely puppies departing and crossing the bridge to the rainbow!

Today, and before I heard the ‘real’ sad news about how death makes you stop and forces you to take a look at yourself and feel incredibly silly for rumbling over silly trivial issues, I rumbled and acted proud and even combative.

Today, I complained about neighbours posting pictures on fb, promoting different coffee companies they raved about in the city, and neglecting to even mention mine while I live…across the road from them.

I couldn’t understand why! And I complained about it to another neighbour, during our dog walking excursion!

I am not proud of failing to act bigger than this puny little issue! I could’ve chosen to take the higher road! I usually do! Instead, I allowed my frustration over a fb post, to get the best out of my judgment! And in the end? It did not make me feel any better. Instead, I felt more sad, and also disappointed in myself over my reactionary behaviour!

I was left wondering, did maturity and professionalism just join hands, after perishing in each other’s arms, then crossed the bridge to the rainbow on the other side too!!!

If this was a good day, I would’ve shrugged the issue, risen above it and said ‘It’s ok! No big deal! Not the end of the world! Yes my neighbour who says they love my coffee, chose to ignore mentioning mine and promoted different other establishments instead on social media! When I could have used the support too, at least ‘some’ support, considering I’m a small operation and I’m RIGHT HERE! Living across the road, and you say you love my coffee! I’m standing here waving…Can’t you see me?! …..At the same time, I know, complaining about it, isn’t going to solve anything in the end! And would just make me feel…frivolous!’. I could’ve had that pep talk with me and myself! Well, I didn’t.

The truth is, I do need to think about this. What is my issue with demanding ‘consistency’???! What’s my deal with expecting ‘loyalty’?! What’s my bone with…’perceived hypocrisy’?!

I need to dig deep. I need to question those black and white beliefs. I believe in freedom. But, where do I draw the line, between..respecting freedom of opinions and choices, and freedom laced with…sabotage and disloyalty? And…what if it was all….unintentional????

Maturity! I’m still searching…