The line between joy and sadness, how could it be this blurry?! How dare it be this mocking?! It shouldn’t be!!! At least my logic does not seem to comprehend its translucence. My logic demands solid separation. It only makes sense to have absolutely solid separation!
How am I to insult my logic with the awful truth?! ‘Hey..logic! Yes I know you are there and don’t get me wrong! You’re wonderful! But! (My index is trying to help by extending in front of my face. I will thank it later), but…I need you to figure this one out and get back to me when you do pleaaaaaase…! I need you to tell me: why was I happy with my own circumstances, yet just now, my best friend’s worsening personal ones, is taking all my joy away?! Sucking it all out like a hungry vacuum, and replacing it with!?…Bear with me while I try to describe this the best way I can. My joy, is being replaced by…deep concern, and a sinking feeling of absolute helplessness’.
Lately, I’ve been experiencing pure amazing joy, and inspiration that has been so wonderfully clenching my thirst for ‘more’ in life. In my…life.
I’ve been trying to talk to her for the past couple of weeks. She’s been acting withdrawn. I have no idea what’s going on anymore!!
Let’s see if I can explain the situation.
My friend, is a beautiful in-fact gorgeous woman! But she has so much more than just her looks! She is one of the hardest working people I know! She went to school at the worst time of her life! Graduated and found a great job! Moved away and worked so hard, to be where she’s now.
Career-wise?! She’s doing amazing!
Relationship-wise?! Could not have been worse!
There’s a person she’s keeping in her life, who’s an addict. Who does not try getting help. That alone does not sound good! I know. But it’s even worse! He’s the father of her child who’s in fact a teenager now. She’s not even 40 yet! The man?! If I can call him that, cannot hold a job and instead!? Keeps dragging her down, and undermining her soaring career.
Logic, thank you. Thank you for not leaving the room. I would’ve.
Considering you are still here, let’s sit down.
Logic just had a gulp out of its whisky glass! I’m still feeling thankful it’s still sitting there listening to my rambling. I’d be feeling very alone right now if it didn’t.
Back to my best friend’s story.
I wrote her a letter the other day. I did not hold any punches. I laid out the ugly truth all naked in front of her eyes. May be that was a mistake! I’m not too certain anymore!
In my letter, I stated her teenage boy is watching. And whether she wants to see it or not, he’s learning from?…her. The way she’s allowing someone to drag her down, is setting a not very good example. I cautioned he (the son) will be repeating that pattern in his own future relationships. One way or another.
She did not respond.
I called again today. Left a message.
She called back.
Her voice was cold.
She said she refused to read my letter as she’s ‘letting life take her where it wants to take her! And she’s not fighting it anymore’
I wanted to yell: Please wake up! The storm is coming! What is wrong with you?!
Of course I couldn’t.
I just said: ok.
If you are still reading this. Thank you.
I am absolutely fine. She’s not. But, I can’t save people I love so dearly unless they want to save themselves.
Logic is suddenly smiling. Is it the whisky?! My eyes are studying its facial clues. I don’t think it is. I’m pleasantly happy to know.
Back to you my reader: This isn’t a disaster. Please you needn’t be alarmed. I refuse to get dragged down, even by the people that reside in my heart! Why? I can separate. Or can I?
My heart wants to weep! But I will not let it. My frustration will smother the weeping. I can see..how humans sometimes… love to play the martyr role! To be honest?! My logic will, set its whisky on the side table, clears its throat, look at its logical watch …pretends it has an appointment somewhere else …and would just leave….if I say I do understand it! I don’t!
I am going to have to give her space. My wild stubborn friend. She will come back. Something tells me she will. I need to trust. I cannot force it.
Pic by Stas Svenchnikov/ Unsplash