Romanticism

Music: Lord Huron/’The Night We Met’.

But the whole album is good. Just sayin

***

My sister is doing great. All results are ‘benign’!

My sister…Is completely stepping back into health, and soon will be back to her theatre lecturing.

She faced-time me yesterday. Saying she was labeled ‘the monkey’ of The ICU! Meaning, she can’t stop monkeying around, and making everyone laugh, after the surgery was done. This woman is so amazing!

She said “I insisted on calling you! I am worried about you”

She’s ‘worried’ about..’me worried about her’. Sounds funny. I know.

She must’ve sensed it despite the distance?! I’m still trying not to read too much into the mysticism of it all.

I told her I’m fine. Then carried on with what’s really important! Her!

This news made me, wake up this morning, feeling very tired! I’ve been tired a lot lately. But, soon after coffee, I decided to let the sun in. And this took place:

– I showered even before going for my run. I wanted to feel ‘new’. I am feeling new. With this so anxiously awaited for news.

– I decided, to unearth my mother’s old vintage dresses! And resurrect The imprisoned beauty out of the old trunk! Seemed fitting!

I love these dresses. I wear them sometimes, and feel…calm…and happy..

I keep saying ‘I was born in the wrong century haha’! Until someone ‘clever’, points out ‘your mother is still, THIS century’! That’s when, I smile, turn my head around to face them, and say ‘you’re right! I still… feel..I am more suited to be a ‘romantic’ Dracula assistant, than being here in this century lol’! Then we quarrel some more about…history and historical correctness

I decided, a little bit of romanticism in art, textiles, old faces, young faces, my forever love for old linen, old fabrics, vintage colours and textures…is ok. And it doesn’t…make me ‘detached’ from the reality of life.

It’s ok, to be forever, fascinated by beauty. In every shape and form..age, colour, and texture. That’s me. I see a face, a piece of fabric, an old table, a tiny dusty old child linen jacket in a vintage store, and I feel…’this is so…beautiful’

Let the sun in. I wish this to whoever visits me here today.

Break

I think my writing has been awful lately.

Taking a break!

Wishing you all the best of luck, with everything.

Chris Cornell

This letter is for you:

I don’t care about your fame. Or your looks.

What I care about, is getting to know you.

When I heard the news, that you decided to leave. A few years ago. Life, suddenly got …really sad! And that hasn’t stopped! On and off.

First Amy Whinehouse!! Then you?! Then Anthony Bourdain!!!

I went to Amy Whinehouse [the movie], at an old retro theatre in town, when it first came out. I left the theatre in the end, speechless, and angry. Poor sad soul. How she was treated.

Today, I finished my work early. January is slow. So I can do ‘creative’ things, with my time. I can paint, draw and write stuff that no one cares about! Except I.

Chris Cornell, yes I can drive to art galleries, look at art hung up on walls! But your art, is so much more beautiful! I can’t see it, but I can hear it! And it’s so much easier for me to absorb. Because it only requires one sense. So I can fully focus.

Chris Cornell,

“Preaching The End Of The World” is really the perfect companion to my current state of mind. But my state of mind, can completely change, with your next song. And I think, that’s amazing!

You have touched me. Affected me. You’ve walked with me on cold Toronto streets, to my design classes, on those TO evenings! Where I spent 3 years, fully immersed from morning till evening, in design projects and design assignments! Hauling my backpack full of heavy design books, stale cafeteria sandwiches, water bottles, forgotten unwashed portable coffee mugs and an Apple laptop!

I remember “Be Yourself” beating in my ears, mixing up with my pounding heart, and my steps…on dark wet sidewalks! While running to catch my subway train.

I also remember, dedicating photography projects, to some of your songs! Where my photography prof was a bearded man called Peter! Who looked perfectly suited, to teach the 7 photography classes that I took with’m, over the span of 3 years!

  • Peter, told me once, that he went to the doctor one day, did some tests, and…discovered..he had ‘one kidney’! He said he had no idea! Pretty bizarre! I remember, not knowing what to say! I had no idea why my photography prof was telling me this news! But what I do remember very well, is his face! He looked, disappointed and maybe sad! Shocked, is probably a better word to describe it! I still don’t know why he told me!
  • I remember, pairing, “Black Hole Sun” with a ‘photogram’ photography assignment. Where I placed random objects (a cross, a thistle and a plastic dinosaur toy haha) on photographic paper, with the right surface upward. All took place on top of a light table. All was also done in complete darkness ‘of course ;)! Then I turned on the underneath light, for (I can’t remember how many seconds). I did a bunch of those. Until I had one that spoke to me. I still have those photos.
  • I used to wear a white T-shirt with the word ‘Grunge’ on the front. My partner on that project was Semcha from Milwaukee! And you….You were a big part of every project on those days!
  • I’ve got a photograph I’ll send it off today
    And you will see that I am perfectly sane
    Not for a lifetime or forever and a day
    ‘Cause we know now that just won’t be the case

    Moody Art of Whys

    There’s so much beauty in this world!

    There’s so much happiness!

    Goodness, childlike fun moments, innocence, passion, hot and breezy summer days, spent running between sun and shade… Cozy winter nights, by a warm amber glowing fire…and a delicious book.

    Then why are we sad inside?! What do we need?! Why the void?! Why the agony over things that don’t require flashing sirens, in our heads?! Big things, smaller ones…And even when a pressing issue is resolved, our minds start their frantic circling, right in our ‘living’ rooms; searching under pieces of furniture, cluttered tables and busy congested corners…for a tiny imaginary unfitting piece, or a missing one, in the big puzzle constructing our lives.

    What if we just clear the clutter, play our favourite music loud…and fill the place with..life! Stop the overthinking! Start living! Go for a walk. Move a little. Dance a little. They’ll say you’re crazy?! How dare you dance?! Oh, you just heard them say you are making a fool of yourself?! Are you breaking any laws?! No. You are not! The only law you’re breaking?! Is the unspoken law of stagnation and surrender!

    Who are ‘they’?’ Why is it so important what ‘they’ think?! Oh, they criticize!? Let them. Drown them out with your earphones. Smile. Live. No one, owns ‘you’. You count. Your happiness does too.

    How can we love more and fret less?!

    Laughter. Laughter should be heard! A kind word needs said. A kind look in our eyes, needs to be given to those who need it! Who are looking for it and can’t find it!

    If we have the gift of giving warmth, why hide it?! It’s dying inside of us, piece by piece…a little bit dies everyday! Why?! Why let it?! Why just sit and watch?!

  • Why are we so scared?!
  • Why are you scared of living?!

  • Sorry about the moody art piece🤘. Not sorry.

    Goodbye Eddie

    It was a very cold morning! Temperature hovering around -10 when she started her forty minute drive to the city.

    There was a semi hauling hundreds of slaughtered trees, crossing the intersection, right where she had to stop!

    As she stoped her car, her eyes, followed the semi, now pompously strutting in front of her! From right to left.

    – Darn! If I had left 2 minutes earlier, I wouldn’t have to be stuck behind it! No! If I had actually left ONE! Just one minute earlier, I wouldn’t have had to be stuck behind piles over piles of sad looking beheaded, debranched, rootless trees!

    She turned left, and followed the dreaded monstrous vehicle, on the stretch of a straight two lane highway.

    It didn’t take her long however, until she decided, she was going to cross the dotted line, as soon as it was clear, and pass the semi.

    She did! And immediately felt triumphant, like a conquering race car champion!

    Pearl Jam’s “Black” was playing on the radio! So she set her cruise-control on, turned up the volume, and kicked back…soaking up every cord, every word…every rhythm! Her car, was now her own little music hall! The drums, oh those amazing drums! The guitar..everything about the song, felt as if she was listening to it for the first time! Paying attention to every single part of it.

    In the midst of all this incredible euphoria, the DJ’s voice is heard interrupting ‘it’s really cold out there folks! I am wearing two bras! So I don’t distract anyone! It’s THAT COLD!’

    Great!!!! She thought to herself in disbelief…

    Goodbye Vedder! And sorry for the completely inappropriate, and embracing interruption, to such a great song! She shook her head in disappointment, waved her hand goodbye…Looked to her left….Then immediately had to do a double take, as the driver who was just passing ‘her’ now over the white dotted line to her left, sheepishly waved back and gave a very confused smile!

    He must’ve thought she was waving and shaking her head, at him passing her! And he shall never…ever….learn the truth….


    Pic is Charlotte and I warming up when I first got home at the end of the day! I was literally hugging the heat register! It was that cold! Charlotte on the other hand, curled up and slept right beside me under the table, wearing her fur coat!

    Canon In D Major

    This piece of music! Pachelbel’s Canon, is the kind weathered hand that I long for sometimes, to stroke my hair, and hold the side of my face, and tell me ‘It’s going to be ok’.

    Canon is a polyphonic device in which several voices play the same music, entering in sequence.

    I have different memories of this piece. Where I was….etc…And I’m happy to say, none, were at any weddings! Thankfully! Considering, using this stunning piece, over and over, in weddings etc, just completely takes away its magic! But that’s just my opinion!

    I sit here this evening, alone, by choice! Playing it, to soothe the little scrapes and marks, on the skin of my becoming fragile soul lately! Little scrapes and marks, from ‘anything’! Like, the sudden noise, the loud tv, the talking, the hour fight I spent with the lazy vacuum, where I threatened sentencing it to be on death row. And even at one point, I decided the inattentive, sleepy, snoozy, passive, comatose vacuum, needed to hear the harsh truth: I am going to skip the death row sentence all together, and I’ll be sending it straight to the land of no mercy! The dark, cold and scary…. vacuum graveyard!

    It suddenly woke up, poked its yawning hose, all while stealing looks at me! But I did see it! Its usually lazy puffy sleepy eyes, are suddenly opened up wide, and voila…they started zooming in on every little spec of lint and dust! The vacuum even stopped ignoring the dog hair like it usually does! How wonderful it was, to watch it actually collecting everything for a change!

    I’m happy to say, I decided to give it one more chance, to prove itself, in these terrains of..domesticity.

    Where were we?!

    I was complaining about my fragile soul lately. How I sometimes, feel as if, I desperately need, an old soothing piece of classical music, to give me a warm big hug. To wrap its strong arms around me. To hold me…and keep me there…for a while! I want to stay there…feeling protected.

    Music is my solace. I have always run to its open arms, whenever I felt alone, sad, happy, excited, and every single time I needed a companion to work, run, walk, package coffee, drive to do coffee deliveries, escape the noise around…and escape from…life.

    What’s your favourite piece of music?! It could be a simple song, or…a symphony.


    Image: Kyle Bloom

    Note: is it me, or is that guy on the far right, bombing the quiet picture?! Something about him just doesn’t fit, and only distracts.