Rudy & The Bird

The hollowness in the heart!

Why does it suddenly appear!!?

And when it appears, why does it linger?!!!

She asked me!

The acoustic in the house is amazing! So the sound system was echoing brightly this morning throughout the quiet house. When she called.

I was busy sketching…a…bird! While laughing inside over the irony between my peaceful sketch of a little innocent bird, and the tone of disturbance in the song I was listening to! A song about no other than_at the time mayor_Rudy Jiuliani’s famous bust of a group of squatters in NY city in 1995. “Blue Rodeo/It Can Happen To You”!

I was thinking to myself: Hey bird, you’re a squatter too! Rudy would’ve also sent the army to evict you out of your previously vacant, now artistically occupied.. nest! That you took over and intricately made your own, with gorgeous twigs and twisted weathered leaves!

____

She said to me: I was just asking myself, who could help us chase the dark shadows away?! You can!_said my logic_ which is great! I just wish, that voice, belonged to an actual person! Then I can talk to it, discuss things, argue my point or points! Then, due to the illusory nature of my delusional thought, I decided to phone you!

I could tell she was smiling amusingly while saying the last part.

Humans have always had the tendency to exhaust her. She can be the light of the party, without doing a whole lot of talking! No one would guess how apprehensive she feels, towards talking whenever it’s only one person sitting in front of her! The probing. The questioning. The need to fill in the awkward silence with spoken words. Half the time, they come out wrong anyway! They don’t sound like her. Instead, they leap out of her mouth wearing strange outfits and funny makeup smeared all over their faces! Looking more like impostors, than her own authentic ones!

How do (I) know that?! Her and I have talked and talked about this before. We share that fear of being trapped talking to just ‘one’ person. The apprehensiveness of having to converse to lessen the sense of heaviness all around.

Her and I are bound to one another in a deep long friendship! As if we had an actual ceremonial mingling of blood, that declared us blood sisters forever.

– I only like talking to you!

Laughter.

_____

I laughed along with her, then responded:

– Don’t you think, this begs the question, why do you wish logic was a person sitting in front of you?! Considering I’m ‘the only person’ you like talking to?!

– May be, just may be, Logic will be this amazingly intelligent and remarkably understanding…person…man. She laughed!

She’s definitely sounding amused now, and not… sad anymore!

I asked her: What is going on?!

– (laughter again)_She always laughs to cover her nervousness!_ I don’t know! Do you?!

– How am I supposed to know?!

Silence…then more…laughter.

– Don’t worry honey_she loves to call me these silly frivolous names: honey, pumpkin etc etc! I shamefully admit, I do the same too!

– I wouldn’t say I’m worried! You just…sound ..really odd!

Now I’m laughing nervously

____

My best friend, is a woman capable of feeling and expressing joy, more than anyone I know.

Then why are we having this conversation?! I kept thinking to myself as I talked to her some more!

I decided to tell her about Rudy & the bird. My bird. We both laughed at the irony. At least our laughter was no longer tinged with nervousness, and rather genuine and forthright. She suggested naming the bird Rudy! I responded: Never!!

And the shadows of beautiful vibrant cities full of injustice, greed and cruelty..filled my head!

___

The shadows, they appear!

They will always do! But, when they do, why do they linger?!

if only Logic was a person, that I…can talk to.

Author: Kat

I used to work as a graphic designer, until one day I was tragically and blissfully hit by two colliding meteors! One caused my falling in love with the world of coffee! And the other resulted in me falling out of love with the not so wonderful and nearly suffocating office culture! I left the glamour of the design world, and opened up my little café! Those were the best years of my life! I say ‘were’, because (wait! May be another time! But please do ask me if you ‘must’ know and can’t sleep tonight unless I tell you!) For the past three years, I have been living in a pyramid shape house in a middle of a green forest in the summer; a green forest buried underneath lots - I mean LOTS - of snow in the winter. I used to ‘think I still do ;)’ love the city! With its buzzing energy! I love to travel and seeing different food and coffee scenes...preferably alone! visiting ‘quirky and unusual’ places! I do not love visiting museums, hugely commercialized areas, malls and landmarks! I love old and full of heritage ‘anything’! I also love, to sit in a busy coffeeshop ‘reading quietly’ and not talking! Talking exhausts me most of the time! Watching the world unfold.. and thinking ...never does!

13 thoughts on “Rudy & The Bird”

  1. Wonderfully written, Kat. The beginning of your story is already powerful and captivating with the existential question about “the hollowness of the heart” that suddenly appears and lingers.

    I love the colorful bird with its symbolism in the story related to Rudy and the squatters episode. To me your innocent bird stands for freedom that is constantly in jeopardy in our world.

    Your story is full of psychological insight; I’d say it is a detailed study of how those friends behave, act and react during the phone conversation, the laughter that hides nervousness, etc. I like how you have successfully used the stream of consciousness technique in writing this piece.

    I interpret that refusing to name the bird Rudy stands for the defense of freedom and justice. This is where the laughing at the irony stops, doesn’t it?

    The last part of the story is perfect while slightly going back to the beginning, where the heart senses the shadows now. Love the power of this line:

    “And the shadows of beautiful vibrant cities full of injustice, greed and cruelty..filled my head!”

    And the last three lines provide a perfect end: “if only Logic was a person, that I…can talk to.”

    Like

    1. Thank you my dear Marta.

      Always love your literary reaction and analytical interpretation of even the abstract part! I also thoroughly enjoy how you perceive certain nuances and components! It expands my imagination and my sense of what is possible!

      Thank you so very much for reading! And for the wonderful ‘accurate’ perception!
      🌸🙏

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I do like it and really enjoy it Marta!

        Your friend is lucky to have your support of his work! I will put my coat on and take a stroll there to read your comment 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. A room could be filled with the frivolity of the moment and there could be the assurance of blending in.Yet, no one in the room knows the extreme tension being experienced in that moment. The timer ticking in the head to “get it right”, the stumbling and recovery within every nano-second. Of being emptied out to the pleasure of the din.
    Some best friends get it. Little birds absolutely get it.

    (Pardon the self-projection)

    Love the bird….beautiful.

    Like

    1. You ‘are’ a poet Mark.
      Everything you write, is beautiful!
      Thank you for reading! (And) for the self-projection! We speak a similar language, or so it seems.

      Like

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