It’s Not A Disaster

“I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.”
-Elizabeth Bishop
____
It’s not …a disaster
Every now and then, I find myself coming back to this poem. I don’t particularly read a whole lot of poetry! And I am not one to recite ‘anything’! Yet this poem, in its potent sense of reality, never leaves me! I think, it illustrates how I think, a lot of time.
As I sit here, in this room which works as my art studio/writing/reflecting zone/staring at the trees and the snow…space, I am thinking of why my writing needed to stop lately!
What happened?!
I love to write! But then, the issue of ‘responsibility’ hit me!
See, I entered this wordosphere, a few months ago, intending to decorate it to my taste, hang pictures and art that I like, move furniture around when I feel like it, turn the space upside down with heavy emotions that need out, clean it all up and write uplifting ‘stuff’ about hope and laughter, write nonsense stories, imaginary ones, real ones…get sad and cry and fill it with tears, laugh at myself in the end and clean up the tears and water my dying basil plant with them, so they don’t go to a waste (I’m quite practical), run around, sit around, jump around, talk to ghosts, invite imaginary people over for coffee…and so many other things that I wanted to fill this place with, like I said!
But then, I soon realized, the responsibility to write.
When others are reading, I cannot be completely free.
If I am in a mood. If I am questioning the logic of sensitive issues we all deal with. If I have an opinion that might easily change, right the next day. How does it make any sense, to give myself, the right, to barge into ‘your’ day and flood it with ‘temporary’ feelings and opinions?!
So it’s not a surprise, that I started thinking of the impact on whoever is_or is it whomever_going to read what I write, before I’m able to hit the publish button.
My mission in this life, is to bring light.
I know my path.
I realize what I am here for.
Finding the balance between my overly realistic, semi clinical at times, then passionate and overly dreamy about certain issues at others…thoughts and opinions, and all that could fit in between (trust me there’s lots), is one of the challenges I’m facing when I sit down to write.
Another issue, that poked its head at me, was the issue of ‘why’ am I writing?!
I am a goal oriented person. I find it hard to sketch for example, unless I have a goal that one day, I will become really good at my art, and feel confident enough, to share it with the outside world…somewhere, somehow.
I went on a French Macaron baking frenzy last year, and baked and baked, for nearly five months, maybe more. I did nothing, but bake, sad, deformed, lopsided French Macarons, then tossing them, then starting all over again!
How does that make sense?! When actually ‘good’ bakers, would raise their brows, way high up at me, I’d nearly want to jump and snatch those poor brows..as they’re now flying higher and higher, and stick them back on top of those bakers’ disapproving, widely open..eyes, when they’d hear me say I am a self taught French Macaron baker!
I was told by many, ‘Baking French Macrons, is a baker’s worst nightmare’! They’re incredibly hard to master. Yet mastering I did! And I am known to fail at baking a good moist banana bread! Why?! I’ll tell you why: There’s no challenge there. I apologize to those who love baking banana bread and are frowning at me! Hands down to you! I can’t do it! Let’s have a banana bread/French Mac fight! Trust me, you WILL win. My macs will crumble into tiny teeny little smithereens while your solid banana bread will proudly raise its victory flag! With its solid banana bread foot, over the throat of my fragile French Mac, who will be begging for mercy! So please do laugh at my unjustified arrogance.
Pssst.. I do love a good banana bread. With coffee?! Heaven
My goal, was to concur something not only incredibly hard to bake, but soooo beautiful, elegant, vibrant, colourful and ever so versatile in possibilities of colour and flavour!
I remember at one point being asked ‘what’s next?! What else are you going to bake?!’
My answer was: ‘nothing’.
I only wanted to bake French Macarons.
I was extremely focused, and still am in that regard.
Then why?! Why does my focus, fly away, tantalizing me…when it comes to writing and art?!
I am yet to find out…
Good day to you. Don’t fret over my challenges! It’s not...a disaster! 🙂

Author: Kat

I used to work as a graphic designer, until one day I was tragically and blissfully hit by two colliding meteors! One caused my falling in love with the world of coffee! And the other resulted in me falling out of love with the not so wonderful and nearly suffocating office culture! I left the glamour of the design world, and opened up my little café! Those were the best years of my life! I say ‘were’, because (wait! May be another time! But please do ask me if you ‘must’ know and can’t sleep tonight unless I tell you!) For the past three years, I have been living in a pyramid shape house in a middle of a green forest in the summer; a green forest buried underneath lots - I mean LOTS - of snow in the winter. I used to ‘think I still do ;)’ love the city! With its buzzing energy! I love to travel and seeing different food and coffee scenes...preferably alone! visiting ‘quirky and unusual’ places! I do not love visiting museums, hugely commercialized areas, malls and landmarks! I love old and full of heritage ‘anything’! I also love, to sit in a busy coffeeshop ‘reading quietly’ and not talking! Talking exhausts me most of the time! Watching the world unfold.. and thinking ...never does!

16 thoughts on “It’s Not A Disaster”

  1. I like Elizabeth Bishop’s poem. Apart from its beautiful rhymes I think it tells us an important life lesson: that of being humble, austere and not possessive. If we crave too much it will be more difficult for us to let go of things and also, the most difficult, of people we love, who suddenly disappear from our everyday lives. But yes, it is not a disaster. Sometimes it is easier to stay focused when we create (writing, baking, doing art…), because, as you say, we have set a clear goal. If we do not have this it might be more difficult, but spontaneity is also a great friend of creativity, isn’t it?

    By the way, I like your sketches very much. And you have created an authentic factory of colorful French Macarons. I am jealous of your multitalents and I would not worry too much if you are more focused or not in any of your creations. That varies. We all have this inner fear that something might not come out as we wish but, even then, it’s not…a disaster!

    I am learning a lot from your posts (sorry, I don’t have time to read everything, but the short stories I have read are very well written). Also, I am learning from my friend Mario Savioni. His three chapters of “Pickles and Tarts” are also wonderfully written. Chapter 1 and 2 are introductory to the story; the first one very intriguing and the second, highly descriptive till the last detail. They are both written in a cold manner, a distanced way from the writer, whereas chapter 3 suddenly gets really emotional that really got me carried away: https://savioni.wordpress.com/2019/01/22/pickles-and-tarts-chapter-3/

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    1. I agree Marta! The E Bishop poem is marvellous! I am glad you seem to like it too!

      Thank you so much for your wisdom. And the words of assurance, about the struggle with focus. It’s been an interesting journey for me lately! The ups and downs! The ‘here it is! I can see ‘it’! I can nearly touch ‘it’! Only to wake up the next morning, to ‘it’s…gone’! And the rebuilding needing to start all over again!

      I say to people ‘it’s all part of life’! And sure it is! I KNOW it is! But, I’m still amazed by the lessons that keep coming and that I ‘still’ need to learn! Sometimes, it’s easier to give up! Sometimes, I feel tired.

      The multi-talent is great. But when one needs to let go of some talents, that they love so much, it can get hard! It’s not much about possessiveness, as much as, it’s about…closing the door on something you love so much! It’s almost like having children or, babies and you are being asked to give up one or two so the others can survive and get stronger.

      Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment Marta.
      Have a blessed day.

      I will go visit your friend’s ‘place’ again. I just don’t like the word blog very much 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, agree with you that letting go of some potential creativity in other literary-artistic fields is really hard. The problem is time limitation in life, so we have to establish priorities. I think you are doing fine. Your ‘place’ is wonderful. So glad I can follow you from time to time. And yes, Mario’s ‘place’ is also marvelous. As with you, I just get carried away by what he writes/ creates. 😋

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      2. Thank you, Kat. You are always very kindly welcome. You too make the realms of wordpress.com more colorful and heartwarming as the sun shining in my place today. A quite warm January day, which is a bit unusual for this time of the year. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

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