Need To Reopen

It hit me yesterday.

The thought of ‘I need to reopen my cafe all over again’!

Creating community

Creating a safe atmosphere

Creating warmth for people to gather

I know the ‘right ingredients’ and I’m not about to go down the list of every detail. There are so many.

I enjoy it

And, I love to sit back and watch people come together and have a great time.

It was incredibly simple the other night. I didn’t fuss. But I did love seeing smiles everywhere.

I baked 3 different…pizzas (yes pizzas! Nothing fancy)

Mediterranean (of course)

Margherita

Traditional

Yes from scratch. Along a REALLY AMAZING Charcuterie board, freshly baked Pistachio, lavender and vanilla French Macarons that turned out amazing…and voila! I was ready! Even in my minimalist house/lifestyle where I keep purging!

___

My father:

That’s where it all started.

Mother said I wasn’t ‘planned’. The princess she was, could not, deal, with an ‘unplanned’ child while she was busy with her friends. But hey, I am not going to blame my mother one bit :)! I don’t see the point of even going there! And this is a lesson to us all! ‘Let it all go! Not worth it! You have no idea what the circumstances were! Who knows?!’

So yes, absolutely no grudges against my mother.

My father adored me. She neglected me. So what?! I forgive her. I like to think she kind of likes me now :)! Did I mention we only talk on the phone?! Wink

No.

No it wasn’t always that easy. Just please rest assured it wasn’t. Just take my word for it. Details?! Unnecessary at this point. Someday I will share. If it fits or serves a point (picture me smiling while saying that)

– Jumping to an unrelated subject: I insist, completely insist: ‘Novo Amor’ has some songs that I prefer over ‘Bon Iver’. I say this as this one song is playing. See! I keep getting into this really silly debate about how ‘dare Novo Amor ‘copy’ Bon Iver’! Why am I the only one who sees the similarities but don’t mind???!

Back on subject:

My father saw me. He did.

I have many memories, but I’d say my favourite was:

Coming back to visit from Uni. Our parents’ house, used to be sooooo quiet. Kids left to pursue dreams. I was the youngest. I visited.

I’m in the big quiet hallway.

I am skipping towards the living room. Skipping and humming a song.

My father. I suddenly noticed! He was standing there smiling and tearful.

‘How do you bring life to this quiet place?!’

____

I want this to be my forever story.

‘Bringing life. Light. Smiles’

Am I too old to reopen?!

Yes I get tired more often now. I’m used to living like a ‘domesticated’ wild Kat by now. It’s been four years hidden in the woods.

I get it. Then I don’t. But I know, the ‘deep’ love towards the closest human to my wild nature, never leaves, even when I don’t understand.

I just…need to try.

Author: Kat

I used to work as a graphic designer, until one day I was tragically and blissfully hit by two colliding meteors! One caused my falling in love with the world of coffee! And the other resulted in me falling out of love with the not so wonderful and nearly suffocating office culture! I left the glamour of the design world, and opened up my little café! Those were the best years of my life! I say ‘were’, because (wait! May be another time! But please do ask me if you ‘must’ know and can’t sleep tonight unless I tell you!) For the past three years, I have been living in a pyramid shape house in a middle of a green forest in the summer; a green forest buried underneath lots - I mean LOTS - of snow in the winter. I used to ‘think I still do ;)’ love the city! With its buzzing energy! I love to travel and seeing different food and coffee scenes...preferably alone! visiting ‘quirky and unusual’ places! I do not love visiting museums, hugely commercialized areas, malls and landmarks! I love old and full of heritage ‘anything’! I also love, to sit in a busy coffeeshop ‘reading quietly’ and not talking! Talking exhausts me most of the time! Watching the world unfold.. and thinking ...never does!

25 thoughts on “Need To Reopen”

  2. What you need is to simply act. Cats are very calculated with their leaps and bounds but often do so on the fly, they don’t know it will work until the moment before they commit once they know they can they proceed. You can.

    ECHO ECHO

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  3. Yay. You’re ready, Kat. Too old? lol … never too old to follow our hearts. Never. Let us stay forever young in our hearts. And let our child self delight and exult and laugh, and as your father said, bring life to this place that is often so very quiet.

    Thanks for reminding, and inspiring, me.

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    1. Yay. You are ‘inspired’!!!!
      ‘That’ makes me even more happier! Much more! I know how we can all inspire each other here! I have been inspired by you and others here before.

      Note: not sure I’m ready. At least not quite. Darn 🙂

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      1. lol … you’re moving there in your mind, re-opening, seeing it all, feeling it all — most importantly. You don’t really need to ‘do anything.’ The ‘do’ part will appear of its own volition, at its own time.

        I’m sure you’re familiar with the idea: ours to figure out the ‘what,’ and don’t get hung up on the ‘how’ — though you know how, quite intimately. But our job, our ‘real work,’ is to see the ‘what.’ And the subconscious, the Universe, God … the invisible force behind and through it all … it takes care of a lot of that for us, and in its own way and time. Just keep seeing the what, feeling it — Gregg Braden says that the language of the universe is emotion. I know that to be so. The universe responds to what we feel, deeply and strongly — good or bad! It doesn’t differentiate!

        I can feel you feeling it all again, vividly! You’re there, you see it all very clearly, alive, pulsing, joy, warmth, light, laughter, caring, being cared for, appreciating and being appreciated and loved precisely for who you are — all of who you are. And it brings you great joy and peace.

        Too old? lol … that really does make me laugh out loud! You’re a ‘wiser Kat’ now. And still Kat. Kat UnKaged — the next chapter!!

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        1. Alas Michael, that was yesterday! I will be truthful, I get bursts of (I can do this! I NEED to do this) every now and then! But they flee sometimes right the next
          day! This isn’t to sound defeated! I am not. There’s something I am waiting for. I don’t know what it is! The right location!? More confidence?! I don’t know.

          I wish, I had your trust in the unknown Michael! The way you see ‘me’ here, is wonderful! The reality of it?! Is less so. I like to be ‘sure’. At the same time, it did happen during my life, when I spontaneously jumped! In those incidents, I just ‘knew’.
          I love spontaneity. I do. I feel you do too Michael! I thought and thought about it for the longest time! Until, I decided to embrace it and not stifle it anymore. But that usually takes place at a lower level. Opening a business is a different story 🙂

          I truly appreciate the encouragement Michael. I will be coming back over and over to your words. I will think some more. Thank you!

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      2. What’s beautiful about your writing, Kat, is that it has a pureness to it. Unvarnished. Open, which is who you are. You don’t hide behind your words. You don’t speak in riddles, you don’t try to be fancy. You don’t try to impress. You are not beholden to your readers. You are beholden to you, your voice, your thoughts, wonderings. Your journey. And you write from there, about that.

        What you shared about your Mom and Dad is quite beautiful and simple and touching. It’s funny. I can feel your Dad saying those words to you, marveling at you, truly in wonder over who this woman is, this woman who is his daughter, and taking such joy in simply watching you. And missing you intensely. He did see you. To have even one person who really does see us, is a wonderful thing. That it was your Dad — some things are ‘ineffable.’ This, for me, is one of those things.

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        1. Thank you Michael!

          This place is one of those ‘free range’ uncaged playgrounds for the thoughts and the words. What’s the point in being beholden to anything, but what we feel is the truth?! Don’t we all have enough rooms, buildings, hallways …and roads…that limit our freedom to be who we truly are?!

          You struck a cord Michael! I’ll tell you that!
          I am still considered new to this Wordosphere here. And it didn’t take me long, to discover, it was starting to morph and charge into something that wanted to ‘consume’ me. So I said: ‘I am not here to be consumed. Back off. I am here to grow, encourage others to do the same, write and practice my writing, then see what happens!’

          I truly believe, the complexity of our daily life, that seems to be continuously increasing, compels us to stop, and think! Find our voice. Exhume our soul, from being buried underneath obligations and all the wants from ‘others’. Find places (like this one), to feel free from all the unnecessary rules.

          Thank you for your touching words about my father.

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  4. At some point you’ll be twisting handles and pressing some sort of magic brew that fills the room with scent and people…in a capacity suitable
    And you’ll try to remember that first step even if it was a second or third first step…and it will just blend together…there will be those “other days”, because there are always some of those
    You may not skip, but your steps will have that Novo Amor cadence…or I don’t know…maybe you’ll skip

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    1. I always love your words Mark! The way you write your comments sometimes, is like a little wonderful piece of writing on its own.
      There’s also this sincerity and deep encouragement that really touches me. Than you!

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  5. So beautiful, heartfelt, truthful writing. I am deeply touched by this piece, Kat. If this is not fiction but your real life I am glad your father encourages you. At least you do have someone in your family who listens. If the family turns out to be a complete failure then there are friends. How marvelous! They are the only people we can choose in life. You seem to have gathered a lot of experience by now to be ready to reopen your cafe, which, by the way, looks beautiful in the pictures. Well, just listen to your heart. I like the cat analogy. Did you know that cat is also the short form from my country, Catalonia, a stateless historical nation that wants its lost sovereignty back and that could possibly become an independent nation in the next years? Anyway, I will look forward to more of your posts.

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        1. Thank you Angela! I believe my biggest issue/fear now, is, would I have the same energy I had 4 years ago?! My schedule is much easier to manage now. I’ve grown used to that (energy wise). Running a cafe requires: zero down time. Long hours. Working every single weekend etc etc . My art, writing, hikes, running will all go away. Anyway…things to think about 🙂

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          1. I can understand that! Have you also brainstormed other ways in which to fulfill those same needs other than opening the cafe? Ones that may also allow for the time for all the other things you have grown so accustomed to?

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            1. I love any kind of business chats! So I go to business meetings with a few business ladies in my community to discuss just that: how to help each other find new ways to grow our businesses! If that works, that void of not having my beloved cafe, may get filled. 🙂

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  7. I’m so glad you liked this simple writing Martha. It’s not fiction:). Rather very real.
    My father passed 7 years ago. He was kind to me growing up. He was/still, my favourite one in my family. You are right about friends Martha. ‘…They are the only people we can choose in life’. So very true.
    I do have experience with running a successful cafe Martha. Those pics were taken at my house! I truly wish it was my cafe :). Thank you for the encouraging words!
    I like the cat analogy too 🙂
    ‘Catalonia’. Thank you so much for sharing that name fact about your country! I did not know that! But I am unaware of other facts. In a way, Catalonia reminds me of my province Alberta! Where Albertans are forced to contribute so much to Eastern Canada! The sense of the unfair treatment and contribution of wealth, is familiar!

    Thank you for reading and commenting Martha. ♥️

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