I was full of hesitation to go be with the horses today! My energy was at a low level! And I knew! I knew they’d sense it!
I had to really push myself to shower, get ready, then do the drive! I wanted nothing more than hiding away from people all day today!
I was afraid the horse I’m on, would lose his connection with me, and I with him!
I got there. Ringo the dog came running to greet me as soon as he spotted my car coming around the corner! He’s a Collie crossed. I immediately smiled! I love Ringo, but hardly have time to spend with him! As I usually need to keep my focus on the horses!
I did some English Posting while trotting today. It was challenging at the beginning!
Posting is to rise out of the saddle seat for every other stride of the horse’s forelegs.
Ozzy (my favourite Arabian horse) was not happy there were two new horses not too far away from the corral! And he was ready to take them on! So considering Ozzy’s fearless nature, it was better to keep him away from them! But I dearly missed him.
I posted with Shayane! A stunningly beautiful, Gypsy Vanner mare!
Shayane sensed my low energy level! She quickly decided to act outrageously stubborn and frustratingly defiant! So I had to shift my energy, or I wouldn’t have been able control her.
It took some work! As she tried hard to tell me ‘I’m not feeling you! You are weak! I’m the boss this time!’
I finally, had to stay still on her back for a minute! Shayane is standing there! Her and I were having a breather. I was trying hard to not tell my other human companion in the coral, to just…stop talking! As she continued talking to me, and laughing nonstop, in her giddy incredibly high pitched voice!
I had to resign to some leftover patience from last night! I thought I had none left! Then rummaged deep inside of me , for some crumbs of wisdom, tucked in there somewhere…
I finally found some leftover scoops of patience, in the very back of the fridge of my psyche! And a few crumbs of my worldly wisdom..that had fallen between the folds ‘of the heart of the discerning!’
I soon realized, my human companion is a nice girl, she means well, and that’s what matters.
I finally managed to control Shayane and get her to obey me while posting inside the corral! I figured, way too icy to post the trot on those trails! So I stayed around inside the ring.
In the end, my abs had the best workout! Considering, you must involve your core muscles to support you, while standing in the stirrups! Not your hands at the saddle, and not by gripping the horn either! Your legs need to also remain motionless while posting.
I’m so glad I did go to have coffee with the horses today! It was the highlight of this not so wonderful week! And a horse’s touch, was needed, to be myself again!
"But the hours grew so empty” 
“I had to resign to some leftover patience from last night! I thought I had none left! Then rummaged deep inside of me , for some crumbs of wisdom, tucked in there somewhere…
I finally found some leftover scoops of patience, in the very back of the fridge of my psyche! And a few crumbs of my worldly wisdom..that had fallen between the folds ‘of the heart of the discerning!”
You writing is so alive, Kat, so very unusual, so bright and playful and … as different as you. Our writing reflects to ‘out there’ these pieces / parts of ‘in here.’ Yours are extraordinary. Fear not, I have you in no corner called ‘nice and sweet’ … lol … instead, real, eccentric, alive, pulsing, aching, seeking, inspired, despairing, insistent, determined, angry, sad, dark, relentless, powerful, weak … all the polarities. And yes, in there unusually large servings of nice and sweet … but not endless!
It is a pleasure and a privilege to read you, Kat.
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Finally! Someone who actually gets it!
Thank you Michael. I wish we could for coffee and chat, discuss the world, argue about our different opinions, get shocked at each other’s (nonsense), get quiet, decide to give another chance and argue some more, then..leave our empty cups on the table, walk away completely disappointed in our friendship. Then, overnight, we think about ‘ah…wait a minute! I was the idiot one! He/she actually did make sense! Darn!’
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I’ve long thought that differences of opinion — they can be quite intense sometimes — are rarely a valid reason for a friendship to dissolve.
Some months ago, my niece, along with a good number of other family, was here. She has some opinions that I disagree with, strongly. She tends to get a bit ‘loud and profane’ after a few drinks, which she had had. I didn’t exactly hold back on my opinions, though absent any personal attacks.
We had our disagreement, she was livid, I was amused … lol …
An hour or two later, after we’d had space and time to relax, I went up to her, with a big smile on my face, looked into her eyes, and said, ‘Jennifer, you and I can differ on everything under the sun. But here’s the thing: I love you and believe in you no matter what. You are beautiful. And that’s all there is to it.’
Of course she said similar kinds of things in response — we really do love each other a lot — we hugged, we laughed out loud, and it all passed, as it should.
Of course we’re going to have differences of opinion with people. Sometimes passionately — I love passion in people! Of course! So … who cares? Do we love each other, or do we love each other? And do we SAY that? Or we are ‘too hurt’ or ‘too angry’ to say what actually matters most?
I don’t care if someone disagrees with me. Let’s just remember what underlies our friendship: respect; admiration; we think the other is cool, beautiful, smart, fun. Love. Let’s speak those things ….
You may know the song ‘The Living Years’ by Mike & The Mechanics. If not, you might like it. Speak the love we feel, in the living years … now, in this moment.
I have long thought if only … after an argument / disagreement … each person said to the other words along the lines of … ‘I love you like crazy. You’re beautiful and brilliant and I think you’re cool and awesome!’ If we could come back to THOSE words … if we could ‘conclude’ the argument / discussion / whatever it was … with those words. Speak what we have always seen in someone (assuming we have) …
Alas, too often, those words aren’t said then, or ever. And for the lack of a few words spoken (only takes a few seconds) … walls go up, anger festers and corrodes and poisons us and our friendship. Tragic, really. So much lost for want of a few words so easily said, and rarely spoken.
When I believe in someone, it’s not because he or she thinks like I do, values exactly what I value, lives a similar lifestyle. It’s because … I see something beautiful. I see something I will always believe in, regardless of ‘what happens’ in our friendship.
Here’s to speaking what matters most: our love for each other. Let that supersede every and any argument. Let that temper and dissolve whatever anger might come up in discussions.
And then let’s laugh at ourselves, at each other, at the craziness and beauty of all of it! lol …
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Loved the story you shared of you and your niece Michael! I truly believe, with all your ‘scary whiskers’ (please don’t take this literally! I’m referring to your personality traits!) -Yah I know! Coulda been more subtle but that’s me sometimes! – you are, a beautiful human!
You have the ability to love deep. Just like how you feel and show love towards your ‘contradictory’ niece. Hope it’s ok I described as such! No disrespect intended!
You have inspired me to write a post about this…When we are so incredibly lucky, to have people around us, with whom we can disagree with, yet the love never ever goes away!
Thank you for making me think Michael, as always 🙏
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Kat, your writing triggers a lot of mine. It’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it? And it’s a beautiful thing to have this space you offer, because of your unusually alive heart, to share, wonder, think, write, learn, change … and laugh out loud!! Thank you!
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Yes it is a beautiful thing Michael!
Thank you as well, for your kind words! Much appreciated.
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I didn’t know that song. But I do now! I will let you know if I do like it (don’t frown Michael! You didn’t expect me to just say (I LOVE IT) without being site first did ya?
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A little tag-on …
I remember first seeing your writing in one of your notes to Brenda. Not that long ago. A month? Two months? I instantly saw something, someone, extraordinary. Beyond the ordinary. Far beyond. I recognized something, someone, that I really can’t find words yet to describe. There are none, or there are too many.
It wasn’t the words you used; yes, in part. It was the way you used them. It was how your writing leaped and danced and pulled back and pushed forward, very unlike anything else I had read. It was this ‘oh my god’ moment, that I have rarely experienced.
One so brilliant (with corresponding shadows … 🙂 … so sensitive, so highly attuned to everything. It can be keenly, exquisitely painful to show yourself. Thank you for daring to do it with us. Hopefully without sounding arrogant or saying this in any way that might sound odd … I see you. And you are exquisitely beautiful.
I have a poster on my wall. It says, ‘If you see something beautiful in someone, speak it.’ So I speak it. And that really is all. If we speak the beauty we see in a sunset, that is natural and right and good. Likewise, when we see beauty in a person, it should be as natural and right and good to speak it out loud. Not a ‘big deal.’ But sort of like, yes, we speak all his beauty we see. If we see it, we are lucky. If we speak it, the words create after themselves in ways we know not. But they do. A few words can often change everything.
Of course, I can also be quite cold and distant with not a kind word to say about anyone!! lol …
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First, thank you for your kind words Michael! For taking the time to ‘see’ me.
You and I definitely have some deep similarities! Like when we stop and wonder to ourselves ‘wish everyone just outwardly celebrate the beauty in others like we do!’. And some do, and we love them for it!
I don’t know where this writing journey is taking me Michael! All I know is, it has been quite cathartic at times!
May be I should continue…
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‘..a few words can change everything’. Very true Michael. Very true
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About the cold part Michael, it happens when we are injured. When we are bruised. Correct me if I’m wrong, it doesn’t happen often! But when it does, it reflects our deepest pain. The kind of pain that takes it off guard. The kind that surprises us. The one that we’ve fought with many times before. The kind of pain that is so deep, it made us swear to never go that deep ever again. The type of pain, that made us stop and think, then decide: “it makes no sense to let it get this deep ever again! I need to control it! Water it down with some logic! Next time I feel it, I’m going to tell it it cannot go deep! There is no tragedy there!
ELIZABETH BISHOP said:
“The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster”
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My ‘cold’ comes out when I’m feeling crowded, people around, too many, sometimes just one. I get irritated, sometimes intensely. When I have zero interruptions for awhile — and those times are not easy to come by these days — then I calm down. Just someone in my physical space often bothers me — especially if I have not had the solitude I need. I get irritated at someone not for doing anything at all, but simply for being there … lol … ‘You didn’t do anything! It’s not your fault! Just get out of here, would you?’ lol …
What does it stem from? Is there a deep pain that I don’t want to face, prefer not to? I’m not sure. Your words make me wonder, Kat. I will think on that.
Too, I think of a quote attributed to Picasso: ‘Without great solitude, no serious work is possible.’ There is work I want to do, get done, create; fields to study, skills to continue to develop and master. Pulls that are powerful, that I cannot honor without solitude.
Mine seems a conflict between responsibilities I have to care for others, and the sometimes desperate need to be alone so that I can think, and work, create, learn, study, explore.
The vision of these things I want to create, study, learn, understand … makes me never content with what I’ve done. I see possibilities, am endlessly excited by them, long to immerse myself in them. It is an exquisite kind of agony sometimes! lol …
And … yes, I laugh often … I must! Laughter, however it does it, eases the edges of those exquisite agonies! lol …
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Completely understandable Michael! Don’t worry about what I said ‘the reflection of pain’ etc. I was talking about something completely different! So yah, what you described, simply fits ‘the introvert’ characteristics! ;). How do I know?! I am one! Basically, it’s the same exact thing here.
We need our space to recharge and be human again! Our introverted fangs are always there. Except they only come out, when our personal space is hijacked by innocent extorters. Plain and simple.
I hate to break to you, but I believe you’re suffering. You are suffering, as long as, you cannot honour the beast! The introverted beast inside of you. So, find someway to get your solitude! If you know you can’t, due to having to care for offered?! Then in that case, I challenge you to ‘retrain’ yourself like you profess (and take pride in doing). Even if temporarily! Find ways to not get frustrated. What can you do to care for others, while dying to be on your own?! Looking at it as an admirable sacrifice is one way. There might be more, I don’t know!
Key is, you ARE sacrificing. So do it honourably and put your introversion on hold for a while. Can you do that?! I bet you can.
With all my respect…
Kat
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By innocent *extroverts.
I said *extorters
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And I any have missed an ‘it’ somewhere
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lol … I like your challenge, your suggestion, Kat! Thank you! Yes, just do it. and, as you say, honorably. Thank you for that — very much. I needed to read those words. ‘Do it honorably.’ Those are good words for me to post where I see them often, words to remind and guide me.
I am always astounded at the power of words. Your words to me are a perfect example of the immense, infinite, life-changing, never-ending power of words, and sometimes just a few.
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Biggest hug my friend. So relieved. Phew
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Michael, I just read what I said. I’m so sorry! I’m just black and white in my life like this sometimes. Please don’t get offended.
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Offended? Of course not! You are absolutely right — I chose what I am doing. So … to do it honorably is only right. Truly. I am grateful for your words, Kat. Know that.
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I’m glad.
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And some things ARE black and white. With honor … or not. We can put shades of gray to anything. And we now in our hearts what is right.
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Michael, I’m an idiot! I absolutely know and love The Living Years’ song! I somehow had it mistaken with another song! Apologies!!!!
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