Sadness

They keep on saying ‘hate’ is a strong word! They keep repeating to find another! A softer version. Like what???? ‘Loathe’? ‘Disdain’? ‘Detest’?!!..Are those better?!

Maybe.

Oh wait, they just corrected me! They just zealously responded: “Use..’dislike’!

Ah! ‘dislike’!

Especially uncapitalized! Look how…friendly it looks! How dis..arming! Yes yes I know! We are talking about how it ‘sounds’! I get it! We are discussing how the word ‘hate’ ‘sounds’!…Right! Forgive me! We are examining how this poor word is frowned upon by…..gentle, peaceful and caring people! The kind of people, who think, shooting you a disappointed, sad and sometimes even scorning look…when they hear you say ‘I hate…’, is BY FAR…waaaay better than?!…You, using the word..’hate’! Does that make any sense?!

So, if I follow their logic, I need to perhaps say ‘Sadness! I ‘dislike’ you’! A bit wimpy! Don’t you think?! I do!

I am sorry! But there is no other word I can use to express, my disdain towards something, so..unmerciful, barbaric, cruel and with out the slightest remorse!

Sadness is devouring dear friends! Next door neighbours, and random innocent people I have never met!

I watch it consume them! Its avaricious jaws, chewing them piece by piece! They wake up, healthy humans! Sadness immediately opens the door, barges in uninvited, sits on their beds and slowly, extends its grey ghostly hand..and draw them in close to it! Whispering ‘Let the feast begin…’

To this, the only words that suffice are

Sadness, I hate you

Author: Kat

I used to work as a graphic designer, until one day I was tragically and blissfully hit by two colliding meteors! One caused my falling in love with the world of coffee! And the other resulted in me falling out of love with the not so wonderful and nearly suffocating office culture! I left the glamour of the design world, and opened up my little café! Those were the best years of my life! I say ‘were’, because (wait! May be another time! But please do ask me if you ‘must’ know and can’t sleep tonight unless I tell you!) For the past three years, I have been living in a pyramid shape house in a middle of a green forest in the summer; a green forest buried underneath lots - I mean LOTS - of snow in the winter. I used to ‘think I still do ;)’ love the city! With its buzzing energy! I love to travel and seeing different food and coffee scenes...preferably alone! visiting ‘quirky and unusual’ places! I do not love visiting museums, hugely commercialized areas, malls and landmarks! I love old and full of heritage ‘anything’! I also love, to sit in a busy coffeeshop ‘reading quietly’ and not talking! Talking exhausts me most of the time! Watching the world unfold.. and thinking ...never does!

17 thoughts on “Sadness”

  1. I’m not sure just what sadness is. It exists. It visits us sometimes. It may stay with us for a long time, perhaps only if we let it.

    just to feel sad, without knowing any reasons for it being there, perhaps that is the hard part. Complex things, Kat.

    As simplistic as it sounds, life is often simple. We have complicated it in endless ways and measure. We have, in many ways, devolved into very self centered beings. And it is a devolution, not an evolution. I can’t quite find the words for it now, what it is that I am seeing more and more clearly. It’s taking shape.

    There are things to be sad about — loss of someone we love. But not for long. Not for forever. Life is for living. When we are living, when we are working towards something outside of ourselves, bigger than ourselves, something that focuses our immense energies, we don’t have time to be sad. For we must ‘give time’ in order to be sad.

    there are times for sadness. Places. Generally, though, like anger, it doesn’t serve us. We can get very angry. We can become very sad. But those are emotions that are very self-centered, generally. The more we can move outside of ourselves, perhaps, the less we have time for sadness and anger.

    When you are immersed in your work, immersed in riding horses, you likely don’t have time to be angry or sad. When I create, I am happy. When I read and learn, I am happy. It is easy to succumb to sadness and/or anger. As we practice seeing them when they come, and disciplining our minds to think thoughts that create emotions that serve us … over time, it becomes easier. Of course. It is a discipline to control our wild minds, just as you discipline, control, train, a horse to do your bidding. We can do the same with our minds. I suspect most don’t. And they become consumed by anger, by sadness. Both are deadly, aren’t they?

    You may have read Don Miguel Ruiz’s ‘The Four Agreements.’ I read it in 2007, probably right around 11 years ago this month.I was struck immediately by one of the agreements: ‘Don’t take anything personally.’ I have puzzled over that, worked on that, practiced that, ever since.

    As I said, Kat … very complex things. Though really not. The paradox, isn’t it? There is a lot here that you touched on, and that I touched on. We have only touched on them. sometimes, too, only a touch is needed to awaken something in us, an awareness. ‘Little changes’ are the way to big changes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I always admire your wisdom Michael!
      And

      You and I are similar in certain ways. The love for life. The appreciation of its brevity. The love for laughter even in sad moments. The capability to not take things too too seriously, due to the understanding of how silly and fleeting, yet wonderful life is. The fascination with ‘training’ our minds’. We are dark ppl, who can still laugh their heads off at the absurdity of life.

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  2. oh Kat, sorry for the empath heart you feel this so deeply. I prefer sadness, I am so afraid of being happy because i fear something will be taken away from me, yet again if I am, is that silly? I don’t know, don’t want to jinx it by being happy you know. But I am not a bitter person just so sad.

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    1. Thank you Gina!

      I have one thing to say to you! Actually two.

      1: I’ve been there. /I accompany that with the biggest hug/

      2: I urge you to think about it this way, continuing to let the guilt win over catching yourself being happy, is something is neither original nor glorious! Lots and lots of sad souls (including me) walked that path.
      You are original! You are not one to just follow a path without questioning first!

      We get comfortable in our sadness. It’s cozy. It’s familiar. We’ve been burnt before while we were at our outmost happiest state! We were taken off guard! So how are we to trust that word happiness again?!
      What if?! What if we become happy again, living in the moment, laughing, going to watch a movie with friends and enjoying the experience, making plans, trying new exciting experiences only happy people would do, changing our hair colour, exercising, trying a new and scary sport we’ve always wanted to like…scuba diving with sharks (I take that one back). What if, we get something very tragic happening again?! We better be prepared. Let’s stay sad and prepared.

      The truth is, we ‘no followers’ can do so much more that that.

      We, who are blessed with beautiful hearts and above average smarts, have a responsibility to be happy. And here’s why! If we are happy, we can help others. If we are enjoying life, we have more to give. And when we give, we get happier. It’s a wonderfully vicious cycle. To give support to others, we need to support ‘us’, to let ‘ourselves’ live and be happy at any chance given! We need to shed the guilt. It’s no longer protecting us. It’s smothering is.

      Beautiful hearts, come with a price-tag. It’s called ‘giving’. Unless we give, our beautiful hearts can’t face the tragedies of life. We will all face them, in different ways perhaps, but we will all face them. And giving our support, time, resources, skills…to help others, is what will save us.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Kat, I Adore You!!!! I was feeling hate this week, for sadness and blindness, and even for a person who hurts me again and again…..but I felt guilty for feeling the word, for using it. But, you are so right, sometimes you need the power of it to try and defeat what is swallowing you!

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    1. I adore you too Susan!! And if I could scream ‘No matter the sadness or the blindness! You are amazing!!!!’ at the top of my lungs all the way to LA I will do it!

      I kept thinking of your comment this morning. Trying to respond, this took place:

      I scribbled and tossed and scribbled and tossed. I made coffee then made more coffee. I went outside to think some more with my coffee and froze and yelled at the dog who managed to find a dead mouse in the forest and wanted some toast to go with it for breakfast. Of course I said …..
      yes finally. (Head down in shame. She owns me)

      I still didn’t know what say. How to respond to your entrusting words.

      Then, after much more thought, and getting buzzed again and again on caffeine, all I can say is this:

      Frustration. Rage. Anger. And of course hate (I think hate is the worse), are all part of what makes us ‘do something’ about something. If we look at them this way, they become tools. Tools for change. Change within us. I’m obviously not talking about outwardness, but rather inwardness.

      To create change within us, we sometimes, need, to hate ourselves. We need to hate our issues and how we’ve been dealing with them!
      Something isn’t working. There are flaws. So what??? So what! It’s how we deal them, that defines us. Do we surrender?! Do we say ‘I am not needed?! No one wants me! I’m a burden?! I can’t go on anymore?!’ We can. Sure we can. That’s the easy part! And we have to go through that stage. It’s part of the whole process! But then comes a time, when our rage towards the way we’ve been dealing with our issues, is suddenly compelling us, directing us, to act. To do something ‘different’ and see what happens! I’ve been there.

      I hated living here in isolation after packing it up, and moving to the middle of nowhere. And some days, it still drives me crazy!
      I got sad. I blamed myself for my foolish decision. I couldn’t move back for specific reasons I can’t disclose here. So I had no choice but to stay. It broke me. Closing down my business that I loved so much, was the worst and stupidest decision I’ve ever made. I was at the peak. And I let it all go. And on top of that, I decided to move to the boonies!!!!! Who does that but a crazy person?!
      That was me. I did that to myself.
      Then finally, after therapy that didn’t work etc…refusing to take Prozac and the liking, I sat myself down, and said ‘what do you wanna do about it?! Wanna die?! Or do you want to live?! You have failed. You have made some prrrretty bad decisions. Now what?!’

      I decided to live.

      With all my love to you susan!
      Kat

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  4. actually addressing the hate you spoke of, Kat … some years ago, I consciously decided to let myself feel hatred. Toward one or two select people at the time. I wanted to ‘go there,’ to hatred. Be with it. Allow it. Embrace it. See what it did to me, for me, how it felt to feel hatred. All of it. any of it. I was aware that I was, in a sense, playing with hatred. Okay, you want to be heard, you want your say, you want out. Okay. I’ll do it with you.

    I don’t remember for how long I allowed it. A few days? A week? And then it was enough. I realized I didn’t want hatred. It’s powerful. It’s real. It’s there. It’s healthy, I think, to acknowledge that it is there. And then to choose its opposite.

    I know this is not the same type of hatred you wrote about; not exactly of course. It’s a powerful emotion, whatever we direct our hatred toward, or feel it toward.

    Anger, hatred, they’re kindred spirits. Quite a few years ago, I heard this analogy, which I’m sure you are familiar with: when we are angry toward someone, it’s like taking poison, and hoping it hurts the other person.

    I have thought about that for a long time. And so I am not angry at anyone — here and there, yes, I feel anger. I have my ‘challenges’ and situations which do test me. And I keep coming back to it: if I feel angry, I am poisoning ME. I like me too much! I like to take good stuff only!

    So … the training of our thoughts, our minds. Our lifelong practice.

    I’m convinced that anger kills us. Our spirits, our bodies. Certainly happiness cannot live side by side with anger.

    Probably 30 years ago or so, I read a very short book called ‘Scientific Mind and Success,’ by Ernest Holmes. It was written about 100 years ago. One sentence stuck with me, and I have thought about these words, this thought, countless times since then.

    The key to happiness, success? ‘Forget all else, and think only of what you want.’

    When we are sad, we are thinking — entertaining — thoughts that create sadness. We can sometimes sit with sadness, and it feels good in ways. But the visits should be brief! Like being with a sad person — let’s visit briefly! Or change our conversations!

    What we do want? Think on that. And only that. When we think sad things, or angry things … let it become a trigger for us to ask … what is it we WANT? Think on those things. Over and over and over, thousands of times … and one day, we have metamorphosed into something, someone, other than who and what we were.

    Fun stuff! All triggered by YOU, Kat … thank you for loving us all here through your words, your heart, for inviting us into your world, and allowing us to share some of ours.

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    1. Hate towards others is not good Michael. Just like you described.

      Anger and poison analogy, is correct. At the same time, I cannot pretend that I know my stand towards anger like you do Michael. I don’t know yet. Yours is very clear! Mine is still being examined and studied. I can tell you one thing though, there has been times, when someone watched my heart getting stepped on, and I wanted them to get angry and stand up for me! Considering it was ‘their’ people who caused the hurt, and they simply didn’t! It happened more than once. In fact, it happened many many times. I understand the gentle personality Michael. I am fully capable of differentiating between, gentle/angry, and gentle/passive. Gentle/angry, to me, is a person who is generally very gentle! But, once a while, they can feel anger towards a just cause, an unjust practice happening in front of them etc. They stand up. Gentle/passive, on the other hand, find it incredibly hard to take a stand, or get angry towards others! The reason is, they don’t want lose their gentle crown. They’d rather act passively, and not take a stand, than being accused of giving in to anger. Not sure I’m making sense. It’s a bit of a complicated subject actually! It requires dialogue, as well as more time and energy to discuss. Anger without control is foolish and primal. Controlled anger, on the other hand, is warranted at times! Just my opinion for now. Again I’m not so sure how I feel about this issue yet!

      Thank you for creating thought.

      Like

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