My Music..My Runaway Feelings

Personal sketch

“We build It up

We tear it down

Leave our pieces on the ground”

A song by Rob Thomas.

Emotional! Very emotional.

I am one of those strange people who can play a certain song on repeat loud in their ears, yet can neither watch a movie twice, nor read a book more than once.

Very strange! I know!

Rob Thomas’s song is blasted in my ears! I can feel my emotions rising! I can feel nostalgia setting in. I can feel that sharp sting of my ‘yearning’. A yearning towards faces, places, warmth…

All of my yearnings are now becoming a jumble in my psyche! They abruptly drift in many different directions, then come back and violently smash into each other! I am helpless…They control me.

The only time they slow down a little, is when I pay attention to the sound of the piano and the ever sweet interjection of the violin at the end of the song.

Part of my soul feels thrilled, at feeling…I am …feeling…I feel alive.

My extremely quiet life, combined with a few other facts: – An introverted nature. – Little actual interaction with humans on a daily basis. – Being self-employed, and making my own rules of not having to encounter face to face meetings with my customers, all make it incredibly quiet all around me most of the time…

In the end…I hear me saying in my head: ‘I am not used to intense feelings any longer!’ At the same time…I know that I do feel a lot when given a chance. Or rather, when I take the chance to feel!

I sit down..the song is still blasted in my ears…I start questioning the validity of this emotional high I’m in. What for?! I ask myself. I don’t find a logical answer. The little voice jumps back in ‘switch if off…or you’ll start texting your sister telling her you miss her’. /was worse than that actually;)/.

I immediately switch to something completely different: ‘Pachellbel’s Canon in D Major’. Yes yes the same AMAZING piece they butchered, sliced and ripped to shreds in order to play redundantly in weddings! Yes yes YES..it breaks my heart they did that and still do it everyday to one of my absolute favourite classical music pieces!

I immediately calm down. My emotions calm right down. I’m now transformed into a floating being…I’m floating slowly down a beautiful stream…I am staring at the sky above me…The music is filling my ears…The rhythm is incredibly soothing…I’m in it..it’s in me…we are one…

Music is magical! I couldn’t live without it…

It has the power to make me feel, even when my life does not support a whole lot of the feeling business. Even when, my logic always tries to intervene to protect me from feeling. Even when, my fears of feeling too much and getting hurt…surround me.

Author: Kat

I used to work as a graphic designer, until one day I was tragically and blissfully hit by two colliding meteors! One caused my falling in love with the world of coffee! And the other resulted in me falling out of love with the not so wonderful and nearly suffocating office culture! I left the glamour of the design world, and opened up my little café! Those were the best years of my life! I say ‘were’, because (wait! May be another time! But please do ask me if you ‘must’ know and can’t sleep tonight unless I tell you!) For the past three years, I have been living in a pyramid shape house in a middle of a green forest in the summer; a green forest buried underneath lots - I mean LOTS - of snow in the winter. I used to ‘think I still do ;)’ love the city! With its buzzing energy! I love to travel and seeing different food and coffee scenes...preferably alone! visiting ‘quirky and unusual’ places! I do not love visiting museums, hugely commercialized areas, malls and landmarks! I love old and full of heritage ‘anything’! I also love, to sit in a busy coffeeshop ‘reading quietly’ and not talking! Talking exhausts me most of the time! Watching the world unfold.. and thinking ...never does!

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