I was trying to sketch again today…I also wanted to write today…I decided to comment on a favourite blog first..today! Below is my comment on that blog…
I decided to share it here in my modest blog’s ‘studio room’. I picture my blog ‘here’, as a studio room compared to others amazingly spacious blogs :)…I kinda like this analogy :)… My little tiny studio room of a blog! Tucked in behind a deserted alley…No one ventures around my little studio blog…I drive my car here alone every time…I park it quietly! It’s always dark around…but I never bring a flashlight let alone fix my very old ‘broken’ light in-front of my tiny studio blog! Now don’t get me wrong, I do not hate visitors to my little studio blog! I just want them to find me on their own, at their own pace…I am in no rush…I am comfortable here alone…I can stretch out…I can sing and dance…I can write and write until the alarm goes off ‘time to go now! Say bye to your little studio blog’! I stop writing…I look around me..I smile…’see you soon my tiny studio blog :))))’.
My comment on one of my favourite blogs earlier today is below:
‘To give the self permission to just relax and ‘write’ words that speak to the soul, our soul…others’ souls, can be frightening…At least to me! Why’s that?!
I think it’s due to ‘the list’ following me wherever I go! I go to my roasting lab (I roast coffee for a living for years now after quitting a sparklier career in corporate design), the list follows me there…I could hear its footsteps rushing behind me! I try not to look behind me..I comeback to my house, it’s waiting for me there… tapping its fingers impatiently on the edge of the chair! …’How did it get there before me??? Oh wait! This is my list’s cousin! They have very similar hard features. That pointy nose, those tightly closed lips and those judging eyes and oh that narrowing gaze!’ The gaze that says ‘You’ must do this, must attend to that, must choose time wisely today or things won’t get done! Work, emails, chores, working out, taking the dog for a run, oh and also…_ long skinny finger pointing upwards then doing a quick circle in the air_ there’s lots of dust on that high shelf’! Then even when I try responding: yes yes I know! Who notices that shelf anyway?!! The list jumps in ‘well I see it! So it needs done! You’re behind’ _ its eyes now rolling_
The perfectionist personality that wants ‘everything’ done and done properly!
The guilt from so many things that ‘shouldn’t’ cause guilt! My rational mind knows better!! My logic detects a flaw in my sense of guilt! But nonetheless, relaxing and enjoying a leisurely activity feels hard to attain!’