Allergy Humour

I have a headache! And my eyes are burning!

Today was a great day. But this evening, my eyes started this really burning marathon! First the right eye, then the left, then the right one again! Until they both reached the finish line of complete agonizing itchiness! And then, a headache followed hurdling down the tracks, dragging itself…slapping its heavy feet on the concrete of the dotted line…all the way to the back of my skull!

Glad to announce: Seems like I will live. It’s simply a case of being allergic to some silly sunscreen I applied today! Yes it’s finally sunny in Permafrost!

After receiving the allergy news through my fogged up brain, which was in the midst of processing some words it was reading in the label, ‘Benzoyl etc etc’, my half-witted chin flopped down towards my chest in disappointment and shame! ‘That’s it?! Sunscreen allergy?! You mean it’s not emerging green grass and new beautiful spring flowers popping everywhere..?! Ugh!’

To my further dismay, my very own wise and assertive hand rose, elegantly lifted up my sad chin, moved a few inches away from my face, all while my poor allergic eyes were crossed now staring at it in complete horror, as it turned into a fist for a split second, and I quickly ducked as it punched the air above my head, then like a skilled magician hand, it lowered itself down slowly, in a peaceful gesture! Fingers spread out…! My distrustful burning watery eyes are still following it in horror…as it got lower and lower…and I think I heard and may have even spotted…a white dove fluttering through, making a whistling sound as its feathers vibrated…and then disappeared!!!

_sound of me falling backwards and the dog freaking right out-

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Which one?

Life’s unnecessary drama lately has been interfering in my coffee work as well as design work.

An Indian Restaurant wants a logo.

I sketched a graphic by hand and also did other cleaner and simpler computer based designs . They picked the one with the graphic. this is just the back of a business card. Front will have a more developed logo with text etc.

My brain isn’t super sharp. Which one?! I can’t decide.

She. Part 1

Is she stubborn?! I asked.

Yes. Quietly but unhesitatingly came the answer!

She sat there telling me a story. She would pause every now and then as if realizing a new truth! As if, some sudden thought just struck her! Something she had missed among all the chaos! And now she’s connecting those dots for the very first time!

When that would happen, her eyes would gaze through the glass panels adjacent to our table, while her and I sat facing each other in that busy café.

Her eyes looked tired. As if they carried the weight of a thousand injured birds who can no longer fly.

I wanted to say something comforting. But I sat there looking at her instead. I feared, all those injured birds would suddenly rush out and encircle me in complete rage! For I stole their silence! The only thing they have left! Their quiet refuge! In her heavy tired eyes.

So I just sat there.

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Image: Sam Burris/unsplash

Birds of Prey

Nothing makes sense anymore!

The feeling of being misunderstood, and left there on the side of the road to comprehension, slices deep! The little dressings aren’t doing the trick anymore.

At one point, one feels they need to exchange their entire soul, with a more resilient one! With a more suitable one for….the hawks who are zeroing in, and the ospreys filling the sky above!

How many more shocks?! How much more sinking into this quicksand called life?! How many more sleepless nights spent wondering and asking so many whys and hows! ‘Why?! How?! How did such a good deed one might have done, become this misunderstood and ends up this misconstrued?! How could something so pure, something one worked so hard for, turn into something completely deformed, and bafflingly grotesque?!’

Where do smiles live when one sets out searching for one?!

Mistakes

Today.

Today, my friend’s grandmother passed away. I found out on fb.

Today, my friend withdrew inside her shell again! She won’t answer calls or reply to messages.

Today, someone’s puppy also passed away. I am not particularly fond of the owner, but incredibly sad to hear about their puppy.

Today, I made mistakes. Unrelated to favourite grandmothers passing nor lovely puppies departing and crossing the bridge to the rainbow!

Today, and before I heard the ‘real’ sad news about how death makes you stop and forces you to take a look at yourself and feel incredibly silly for rumbling over silly trivial issues, I rumbled and acted proud and even combative.

Today, I complained about neighbours posting pictures on fb, promoting different coffee companies they raved about in the city, and neglecting to even mention mine while I live…across the road from them.

I couldn’t understand why! And I complained about it to another neighbour, during our dog walking excursion!

I am not proud of failing to act bigger than such little issue! I could’ve chosen to take the higher road I usually do! Instead, I allowed my frustration over a fb post, to get the best out of my judgment! And in the end? It did not make me feel any better. Instead, I felt more sad, and also disappointed in myself over my reactionary behaviour!

I was left wondering, did maturity and professionalism just join hands, after perishing in each other’s arms, then crossed the bridge to the rainbow on the other side too!!!

If this was a good day, I would’ve shrugged the issue, risen above it and said ‘It’s ok! No big deal! Not the end of the world! Yes my neighbour who says they love my coffee, chose to ignore mentioning mine and promoted different other establishments instead on social media! When I could use the support myself, at least ‘some’ support, considering I’m a small operation and I’m RIGHT HERE! Waving…Can’t you see me?! But, to complain about it, isn’t going to solve anything in the end! And would just make me feel…frivolous!’. I could’ve had that pep talk with me and myself! Well, I didn’t.

The truth is, I do need to think about this. What is my issue with demanding ‘consistency’???! What’s my deal with expecting ‘loyalty’?! What’s my bone with…’utter hypocrisy’?!

I need to dig deep. I need to question those black and white beliefs. I believe in freedom. But, where do I draw the line, between..respecting freedom of opinions and choices, and freedom laced with…sabotage, disloyalty and even hypocrisy?!

I’m still searching…

Bizarre Contradictions

His voice said ‘hello!’ I said ‘hi’ back!

He’s my friend whom I’m lucky to talk with without a disagreement! as it rarely ever happens!

We usually argue on the phone like two old friends on their way to have their burger at the local diner around the corner, where they fall asleep sitting up halfway through their meal! Then they wake up, and start arguing some more! As if they never had that nap! Then one will be threatening to use his cane if the other one does not stop muttering words and opinions that he is perceiving, as outrageously insulting and incredibly contentious!

As usual, my friend is either much older or much younger than I! In this case 14 years older! I have no idea why life refuses to provide me with friends my age for once! Not that I truly care! I have learnt to accept it as I am very accepting by nature…when I choose to of course!

Humour aside, it’s the mind that intrigues me, age is irrelevant!

So there he was, trying to convince me to install 50000 cameras around my house, as his own neighbour’s house had apparently gotten broken into recently!

I listened, while he’s talking on the speaker, and I am still working away on my computer!

Aha I kept repeating quietly.

You may be wondering why I answered! As I usually dislike talking on the phone as it is, let alone talking to a notoriously contrary personality!

The answer is, I don’t know.

Dysfunctional relationships can be painful. I understand that. I neither believe in them nor support excuses to keep them! Then what is going on?

You are hearing my side of the story. His side may be: She’s a terrible listener. She contradicts everything I say. She becomes blasé very quickly.

And all of the above may be true. I won’t deny it.

I do get tired of pet conversations and I will never understand, how could a strong man who has had an amazing career full of making solid decisions and difficult judgment calls, all through his life, be this fond of….pet talks!!! It’s beyond me!!! So I usually interrupt and say ‘So how’s your…back?!’ And he gets into another lengthy conversation about his back and the slipped disk! To which I then say, ‘well! It seems you’re on the mends! How’s your…’ And he usually gets the idea that I am suddenly suffering an acute tedium attack, and the usual sarcasm begins, adding more to my pain.

My friend painstakingly describes how his cat was bothering the dog, and how the dog retaliated etc…etc…etc. Don’t get me wrong! I love animals! In fact I adore them! I just get tired of repeated pet animal stories on the phone. And isn’t that what YouTube is for anyway?! Endless bizarre and/or cute animal stories?!

So there we were, having another mini disagreement today! Although, not about his pets this time!!

About what?! Well we had a disagreement about something deeper for a change! Or so I thought! ‘The brevity of life’.

– I read something last night! I said

– What about!?

– How we need to pay attention to how short life can be! People we know get sick or die suddenly! It made me think of what I’m doing! How I am living ‘my’ life! Am I happy?! What could I do to not regret wasting time?!

– ‘laughter’ Well…whoever wrote this, should have started living their life the way seems the most happiest, instead of wasting time writing stuff about how to live a happy and meaningful life!’

Seriously?!…

At one point I asked him:

– Why do you phone me?! We always argue. We rarely agree on anything!!

– Because you are the most interesting person to talk to in my entire life!

What does one say to that?

It makes you feel…appreciative. No matter how much you wish to say to yourself ‘look! This may not be true! He may be saying it due to utter loneliness! Stop flattering yourself!”.

At times, I feel like I’ve been watching this friend getting older and older, every-time he calls! He is highly intelligent! Yet his paranoia about issues related to safety in general, is growing! Among other eccentricities!

The truth is, I still have no idea why we speak on the phone sometimes! We barely have anything in common! Our friendship is deeply rooted and we both value loyalty! That could be one key to the puzzle! Or maybe we talk sometimes, because I enjoy him being himself and me being mine! I don’t have to pretend to be ‘nice’! I can be my complete frank, honest and yes impatient self and not fear getting dropped like a bad habit! That’s priceless! Or is it?! On second thought, yah it’s not! Listening to pet conversations is a hefty price to pay.

Do you ever experience such bereavement?!

Ghosts That We Knew

You want your cream and sugar…fine.

I’m having my coffee black. No I am not trying to prove I am superior in my coffee taste. You are free to like your coffee however you please.

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Sitting here before getting thrusted into the busyness of the day, I am on a mission to not repeat my yesterday.

My mind yesterday, pulled its dark cape out of the old dusty suitcase that I had thought I had hidden quite well deep inside my psyche! Somehow, it had found it! And there I was…listening to its old rhetoric. Believing every fake word.

Not today…

I made this fox during the first winter here in the forest. Fox has been my amazing cohort and wonderful confidant for the past 4 years.

So as Fox mimicked me by sitting there crossing his legs on my table, I addressed him quietly:

“Today, I will do some more design work_another restaurant hired me to rebrand_, I will also work on other design projects, as well find the time to work on the design of our coffee booth at an upcoming annual event! And I will get all my coffee orders roasted too! But I will also…run today for an hour. No matter what.”

Fox nodded.

Fox is incredibly playful! I guess, that’s why I created him! Playful is a wonderful way to be! It’s my favourite state of mind! Then, what on earth was I doing foolishly reacquainting myself with my old ghosts all day long yesterday?! Why did I go there?!

Let’s say, I am glad, to decide Fox is going to be my companion today! I guarantee he will deftly outrun me! I know, for a fact, he will leave me behind on the trail, depositing a cloud of white glimmering ice particles in his wake, that’ll hit my face and make me squint! But that’s ok. I will take his playful company over the old ghosts anytime! I also really need to run even if I arrive last.

So, my old old ghosts, I will be kind in my asking. I hope you will appreciate my euphemism and that you will go back to your old dusty suitcase and leave me in peace!

I am aware of your pervasive insistence on coming back to visit. I am also aware, you will make your usual precipitous entrance into my morning one day again! However, I am getting better at handing you your coffee, after adding all the sugar and cream to make it to your preference, then sending you off on the road. A road that is looking less immutable and much more easier to reroute. And when you make an appearance the next time, I will make sure I am also…out of sugar!

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This post was inspired by:

Mumford & Sons/’Ghosts That We Knew’

Do you listen to them? Do you have old ghosts? How do you shoo them away?

I leave you with one of Fox’s photo shoots from 4 years ago when I was going crazy trying to adjust to living among deer, foxes, bush rabbits and moose! So I created him and other critters on snowy quiet nights! Then one day I grew out of that phase and decided to get back to reality …and I’m still trying to get there…in this lonely forest.